Hot and Hard

I don’t know what the weather is like where you are, but here in the UK it is beginning to seem like this winter will never end. Snow and freezing temperatures have given way to rain that comes at you horizontally in howling winds and temperatures that are, well, just a little above zero. And now the snow's back again.

It’s all rather depressing.

Meanwhile, as always, FMS has been collecting images from around the internet for the occasional Hot and Hard series of posts, gorgeous women, leaner than full-on bodybuilders, who have nevertheless got more than enough muscle to satisfy.

So, we’re freezing cold, we need cheering up, and we have a folder overflowing with images of hot and hard women. Can you tell where this is leading?




Welcome to Hot and Hard Week!




What makes this XXL winter XXL annoying for me is that as spring approaches I always wonder whether this will be the breakthrough year, the year when British womanhood shed the winter layers of jackets and jumpers to reveal they have spent the entire winter pumping iron and eating right. The year when a toned female arm on the streets of the UK will become an everyday sight, rather than a rarity.

Every year I’m equally optimistic, despite all past experience telling me it’ll never happen. Imagine a man who’s never won a penny on the lottery, but keeps buying his ticket. It’s not because he’s convinced he’ll win, but until he’s found out the dream hasn’t come true, he enjoys the possibility that it might.

But our man would soon lose interest if the lottery draw never happened, and that’s how I’m starting to feel about the spring layer-shedding. You can’t enjoy the anticipation forever. And this winter seems to have gone on forever.




What came first – the hot women or the hot climate? Are hot women drawn to places with hot climates, or are hot climates the result of concentrations of hot women? There certainly seem to be more of them in places like California and Florida, not to mention Brazil, but if I take that logic to its conclusion, the hottest women in the world would be in Saudi Arabia or thereabouts, and we’re never going to find out if that’s true, are we?

Nevertheless, could a critical mass of these Hot and Hard women serve to change the weather? Perhaps if all of the women we’re posting today stood in the middle of Britain (which is around a village in Lancashire called Dunsop Bridge, by the way) the temperature might rise. Call me mad if you like, but the temperature of the men of Dunsop Bridge would certainly rise. It might be worth a try.




Of course it’s climate change that’s responsible for the colder winters the UK is experiencing, and more generally it’s responsible for more extreme weather across he globe. Unless you’re a Chinese industrialist, you probably try to do your bit to make sure your carbon footprint isn’t doing more damage than necessary.

Hot and hard women are no exception. A number of bigger and more environmentally-conscious gyms are already harnessing the incredible energy these women have, recycling it through the exercise equipment they use back into the gym’s power supply.

It’s very simple really, explains John Smith of The Big Green Gym in Brighton. Every rep on a cable machine, for example, produces a small amount of power through the friction created when the weights rise and fall. Enough people doing enough reps on enough machines and you can basically save enough power to light the gym, so you’re not taking any electricity from the grid.





So, the members get a workout, the gym saves on energy bills, and less power is consumed and wasted. Everybody wins. And according to Smith, it’s the higher-rep workouts that do the most good. The big boys tend to lift big, heavy free weights, and we haven’t worked out how to harness that energy yet. The women tend to use the machines more, and while they may lift less weight, they do so for a greater number of reps, he says. So they’re the ones doing the most good for the environment.

Perhaps, then, hot and hard women really can help us to control the weather, if only by doing their bit to ensure we don’t do more damage to the environment than we already have. They might not be able to improve the weather, but they are assisting in the fight against it getting even more extreme than it is already.




And anyway, no matter where you are and no matter what the weather is like there, haven’t these images of gorgeous muscular women raised your temperature? Isn’t it a little bit higher than when you were at the top of the page?

The temperature will continue to rise tomorrow. Get your Hawaiian shirts ready.

Unbuttoned/Unzipped of the Day

Cinderella Landholt



With pictures this hot, I'm pretty sure that I could write just about anything today and you won't read one word. Let's call it the Cindy Effect. You're not listening, are you? And where are your hands now? Above the table, please. Oh I give up. I should know better than to post pics like these and expect anyone to pay any attention to me...

Unbuttoned/Unzipped of the Day

Love Me, Love My Dog

Without some kind of protection, muscle babes are often accosted in public. These guys just kind of come up to me and start poking at my muscles, says one anonymous woman. They're not aggressive, far from it - actually they look kind of hypnotised, they just stare and sometimes drool. But it is a little unnerving. I work hard for this body and I'm not about to cover it up. So I bought a dog. Keeps most of them away.



When the FMS reporter admired her dog's muscular development and asked if she shared her 'special medicine' with the brute, the interview was, unfortunately, terminated. Terminated with extreme prejudice. The reporter is recovering well.

Unbuttoned/Unzipped of the Day

Q: What do muscle babes wear under their hoodies? A: Their muscles.

Penpraghai Tiangngok

One of FMS' Women of the Year in 2011, Penpraghai has taken a break from competing recently. We can now reveal that, among other things, she's set up her own life jacket business, and can be seen here modelling the PT-1000 Life Saver Deluxe.

Enjoy!

Ts of the Day

Just Do It: Muscle Babe Imperatives

left: Harden the F*@k Up
If she keeps standing there looking at me with that smile and those shoulders,
there will almost certainly be some hardening going on.

right: Marie Samperio: Kiss My Abs!
Talking of hardening up... I've posted this smouldering sex bomb before, and I dare say you'll be seeing the same photo again. If she had any more sex appeal, she'd need a truck to carry it around in. 'Kiss My Abs'? For starters I might!

Grip This

A man could get into trouble when bodies like these wear such messages. But her T-shirt told me to is not, I believe, a defence that will impress the judge much.

Proceed with caution my brethren.

Ts of the Day

We begin a week of muscle babes and their informal attire with a look at some of the more popular printed slogans for the discerning female fitness freak (and her man).



We begin our survey with the slogan that, if our research is to be believed, is by far the most popular choice for the lady who wants to not only show off her hard-earned muscles, but also wants to let the world know that those muscles are doing wonders for her self-confidence.

Now, we here at FMS, and quite probably you too, never held 'skinny' in much estimation, but if you think about the mainstream media's obsession with skinny beauty, then replacing it with 'strong' makes a lot more sense.

Interestingly, the models for the vests below (top left and bottom right) look a whole lot less strong than, say Sophie Arvebrink (bottom left) who really does have some lovely muscles. So it seems that even those that market the shirts tend to shy away from using really strong and muscular women in their advertising. But hey, you can't have everything, and even those models are an improvement on the norm, and thus definitely a step in the right direction.



Another extremely popular slogan (based solely on our research that is, we have no actual proof) seems to be a message to those men and women who treat the gym like a place to socialise. These iron-pumping babes are here for one reason and one reason alone, and they don't want to hear anything from you (or anyone else) except a few grunts and some heavy breathing. It also serves as a way of having to avoid talking themselves. Should they need to communicate with you, they can just point at their own chests. Or perhaps just inflate them, making the lettering clearer.



Having shut up and trained, we're back to the strong/skinny thing again. I couldn't find an image of this on a T-shirt, but I assume that is what it's intended to be. Now, once again, Swell feels duty bound to take issue here. The fact is, although naked, or nearly naked is always preferable, I think strong girls look good clothed or naked. And look better than skinny girls in either case. I freely admit to being something of an extremist on the subject, and would go so far as to say that a strong girl who has just woken up after a hard weekend's partying having forgotten to take off her make-up looks better than a skinny girl who's been at the beauty spa all day and is wearing her best dress.

On second thoughts, perhaps that's a bit too much to fit on a T-shirt...



I love these 'Strong and Proud of It' type slogans, even if they don't stand up to analysis, it's the sentiment that counts, and FMS will, as regular readers, will know, get behind anything that praises fit, muscular women. Let's not fight about which slogan is more or less appropriate. They're all good, although the consensus around here seems to be that 'Fit Babes Do It Better' is hard to beat.



And now I'm sitting here with my coffee wondering how best to scrape the 'THE' and the 'NEW' off the cup when I've finished up here.



This week we'll be looking at a variety of 'messages' on T-shirts and vests worn by muscular women from the famous to the unknown.

To purchase Strong Is the New Sexy items for the muscle woman in your life, FMS recommends Spreadshirt.

Enjoy!

And for more Sophie Arvebrink and her strong, sexy Swedish bod, look here.

Gym Bodz Special: New Year, New Members

The gym I attend is a small but serious one in a little town in a remote corner of rural England. It’s fair to say that if the EU hadn’t been enlarged at the beginning of the millennium, the gym would probably not exist, because apart from myself, it is populated almost exclusively by very large Eastern European guys called Marek, Jacek and Andrzej. These guys take their lifting seriously. There is lots of grunting and lots of dumbbells crashing to the floor at the end of sets.

But this being a New Year, new members have appeared at the gym. A few of them are, refreshingly, women. Some of them have even ventured off the machines and into the weights room, which with all the testosterone flying about in there is pretty brave, God knows I felt intimidated when I first joined!

Now, I’m a married man. But the appearance of these new lady members made me realise what a great time of year this is to be a female muscle fan in a gym.




Up to 70% of people who make a New Year's resolution decide that this will be the year when they exercise more regularly and eat more healthily. Although many of these people are, unfortunately, men, this does mean that more women will be going to the gym this month than at any other time of the year.



To many gym 'regulars' (rats, bunnies, whatever), this is hell on Earth. You might recognise the type (usually, in my experience, but not exclusively, men) who have been going to the same gym long enough to delude themselves into thinking they actually own it, and, by extension, every piece of equipment in it. They spend January in a constant state of agitation as they actually have to wait to use things, then they huff and puff home and rant on bodybuilding forums about these people who have invaded their gym.




In contrast, to the gym-going female muscle fan (the single one anyway, I wouldn't advocate any of this to those of you in relationships), January presents a unique opportunity: the gym has more women in it than ever, and they are not (yet) buff enough to cause you the kind of adrenaline rush that will tie your tongue, and leave you capable of nothing more than sneaking furtive glances at them across the gym and in the mirrors.




Grasp your chance. 60% of gym memberships go unused and attendance is usually back to normal by mid-February, says Time magazine, and according to recent surveys, nearly 75% of the people who made resolutions gave them up on or before January 10th.



So any resolutioners still at the gym at the end of January are doing better than the vast majority, and any newbies still working up a sweat by the end of February are probably the real deal.



I'm not saying you should be hitting on every new female member at the gym, it's not (and here I am probably for once in agreement with the 'regulars') a place to socialise. I'm merely suggesting you be civil (even if it is out of self-interest), and anyway, don't you want to be thought of as a nice guy (as well as having a great body)?




Any ice-breaking done now might pay massive dividends later. Be friendly to the cute but flabby woman. Who knows? By this time next year she may have lost that excess weight and gained some muscle. You never know, she might end up looking like one of the ladies in the pics I've posted here (call them 'visualisation aids'). And among all those angry regulars who stood and huffed and puffed while they waited for her to finish on the machine, it was you who gave her a smile, showed some consideration, made her feel less intimidated, and in a small way helped her towards realising her goal, consequently adding to the sum total of female muscle in the world.



And best of all, the fact that you've been passing the time of day with her while her body changes insures against blathering-idiot syndrome rearing its head when she has got all nice and buff and has exchanged her baggy gym gear for a little top and a pair of tight almost-not-there shorts. It's win-win!




Unlikely? Maybe. But bear in mind that once upon a time (not so long ago - 2006 to be exact), a woman named Tarna Alderman made a New Year's resolution...