The (Mis)Adventures of C. Moore Glootz I

[NSFW - not even remotely, and I think it is probably safe if we all assume that while C. Moore is putting the posts together, ie. for the next four weeks, that will be the case every single day. You have been warned. - ed.]

Day two, and already C. Moore has clashed with FMS editorial.

You want to post what?!

This question mark exclamation mark bold italics kind of tone is clearly one I'm gonna have to get used to while I'm pouring out my heart and soul for this organisation.

Begin at the beginning they told me. So I do...



In the beginning there was the erection. And lil' C. Moore, sat as he was between his Mum and his Dad among thousands at the Crystal Palace stadium that chilly late summer night, had no fugging idea what it meant, but it felt good to put his hand on it, and even better when he started to stroke it, faster, and a thrill that grew and grew till a wave of euphoria washed over him, and he felt a warm dampness down there.

Denise Lewis, many years before her Sydney gold-medal-winning muscular definition, was competing in the long jump that night, and the pit was right in front of the Glootz family seats. To be honest, I don't know if ol' C. Moore here particularly had a thing for Denise's bod that night or whether the above episode was just a culmination of all the bods that flew through the air in front of my wide little eyes - whatever - but my first she was, and she still has the power to make me drop 'em and get busy every single time I see her on the BBC athletics coverage. Multiple times sometimes.



Athletics. My gateway drug.

Soon C. Moore wasn't missing a single meet on TV, and was scoping out local and in time not so local meets to take his packed lunch and long lens camera to. Sprinters, jumpers, runners, throwers. Muscles, muscles everywhere, and reinforced triple layer underwear - extra supplies in the bag for good measure. C. Moore came prepared.

Fast forward...

Dad Glootz finally starts earning enough to get Sky. C. Moore enjoys all those channels that show abs machine ads on repeat. Enjoys them so much that more than once he has to hastily cross his legs (and keep them crossed) when a parent walks into the room.

Top tip #1 - forget about changing the channel, your priority is and always should be to get that stiff cock out of sight first. Wouldn't you much prefer to answer the "What are you watching?" question than the "What on earth are you doing?" challenge?

Anyway, it doesn't take too long for C. Moore to realise Friday evenings on Eurosport is where it's at - "it" being more beautiful muscular bodies than I can keep up with.



We always had our tea around 6, so C. Moore whacked in a VHS around 5.55 and munched away on his fish fingers or whatever safe in the knowledge that later in the evening, once parents were safely tucked away in bed upstairs, he would be free to review, replay, rewind and frame advance at his leisure, with a pint of orange squash (fluids important, but that hardly qualifies as a top tip) and a box of mansize tissues.



More often than not, I was up all night.

The pattern was set. Compulsion, addiction, whatever you want to call it. From that very first chilly evening at the Crystal Palace, right up to this very moment as I type, I have not stopped being aroused by female muscle in a most extreme and uncontrollable way. In fact, only recently - conditions of the orders being dropped and the tag coming off - have I learned that it is possible to resist the urges brought by such arousal, a lesson that could have saved me from much trouble over the years.

Trouble that I intend to recount in further installments of my misadventures.

You are probably wondering what the fuss was all about. NSFW?! I hear you cry, question mark exclamation mark bold italic tone and all. Yeah, well, C. Moore likes to finish things well, and so I searched for an image to sum it all up. And I found it.



From day one. This is what female muscle has been to me.

(And I believe that is an FMS first!)

Welcome to Naughty November

Swell's face is a picture. Like it's been slapped by a wet fish's arse.

Him?!

Ol' C. Moore is enjoying the moment even more than he thought he would.

And then it gets better. Then he starts, well, for want of a better, he starts begging!!! Tells J.J. that he knows his numbers is down and that, but he's been working on some great new stuff, stuff so great it'll turn the numbers around and blah blah, and - an unusual emotion for yours truly - there is this wave of sympathy comes over me and I kind of want to interrupt and tell him it's a done deal, that he's wasting his breath.

But, what can I tell you? That passed quick snap. Watching him beg was like watching Lisa Cross seduce and have her way with a normie in four Awefilms-length parts.





ESSENTIAL VIEWING!!!

Long story short, (now 100% rehabilitated, no tag or anything) C. Moore is in.

Four weeks they have in their wisdom given me.

Don't personally have anything against ol' Swell, it was he who brought me into the FMS fam, but his numbers, as was pointed out at his time-for-a-bit-of-a-vacation "meeting", have not been good and have not been showing signs of recovery. And what they want, they say, is a tone change. C. Moore knows what they really want - numbers. Page views. Old fans to return, new fans on board. And C. Moore means to give it to them.

[Just to be clear, it was felt that FMS chief writer 6ft1swell was perhaps in need of a little rest and relaxation and consequently he has taken a four-week leave of absence, during which time the blog will be edited by C. Moore Glootz, a writer who has previously contributed several very successful pieces to the blog when he has been at liberty to do so - ed.]

Inspired by... Aiden

It's always nice to know that someone is reading my musings, and even nicer when they actually bother to share their thoughts and/or reach out a mutually female muscle appreciating hand. So, this week on FMS, for some of the lovely readers who have been in touch (whether by email or the comment box), a whole post inspired by them as a way of saying thank you for supporting the blog.

I hope they, and you, will enjoy them.

Back in June, Aiden became FMS' first (and so far only) Guest Editor and introduced us to his favourite Crossfit women. His love of muscular women started first emerged when 'finding female athletes beguiling when I was about 10 years old,' he told us, so we'll kick off today with a few 'athletes'...


Britian's Shelley Rudman, Skeleton World Champion


Snow (which clearly does wonders for the legs) and surf


Can Aiden have his bike back, please?

After the athletes came the female bodybuilders, as Aiden, like so many of us, 'plucked up the courage to buy the magazines'. (Read more about the newsagent's here)

So, as another thank you to Aiden for his outstanding contribution to FMS this year, some selections with him in mind...


'Compact and thick'

We certainly haven't forgotten that way back in January, Aiden described the magnificent Jamie Pinder as 'fucking glorious'...






Jamie winning the Physique class at the Chicago Pro this year



And competing at the Olympia (12th, really?!)



Glorious indeed.

But we couldn't do a post for Aiden without his number 1.

'She is a very appealing woman, attractive, amusing, great body and the crowning glory, she knows how good she looks and she likes showing it off.'


Miranda thinks 'that guy who wrote all that cool stuff about me on that blog... I wish there was some way that I could thank him...'

Just another normal night in Miranda's hotel room


Something like Aiden's idea of heaven?

Thanks again Aiden, hope you enjoyed today's post, a Merry Christmas to you, and may all the women you meet in 2014 be 'compact and thick'!

Miranda shows her power (with Emily Friedman)

Enjoy! Another reader inspired post coming tomorrow...

C. Moore Glootz's Fun from Rear

C. Moore Glootz is a UK-based female muscle fan in his late thirties who was first alerted to the beauty of the muscular female behind as a teenager.



When we asked C. Moore for a bit of bio, he sent us the picture above with the message "This is not me. But this is TOTALLY me!"

So, with some trepidation, this week FMS hands over to our latest guest editor.

I blame the WPW Back Page for my female muscle butt addiction.



Left to right: Jitka, Paula, Tazzie aka breakfast, lunch and dinner. Yum yum.

Lenda Murray NOOD! Sweet muscle butt heaven.



There ain't enough oil in the world for the plans I made for that bootiful behind...

C. Moore sez see ya tomorra!

Crossfit: Camille Le Blanc Bazinet

Guest edited by FMS' Crossfit correspondent, Aiden.

Compact and powerful, she would be more in favour if she was a little more ripped.

6ft1swell writes: Not the top of Aiden's list, but Camille is my current favourite Crossfitter, simply because she's so absolutely gorgeous.

Here's Camille in action at her regional qualifier, breaking a Crossfit world record.





Would you like to be FMS' next Guest Editor? Is there a particular muscle, a particular theme, or a particular woman that you would like to see celebrated on the blog? In fact, is there any aspect of female muscle fandom that you feel we are missing here? Email 6ft1swell@gmail.com to get the ball rolling.

Crossfit: Eva T

Guest edited by FMS' Crossfit correspondent, Aiden.

Hello readers,

I have been into female muscle since finding female athletes beguiling when I was about 10 years old, and in those days it would have been female track and field.

This went onto female bodybuilders when I plucked up courage to buy the magazines.

I trained in sports and competed myself, and nearing the end of the first decade of the second millennium I became aware of Crossfit as a training methodology, used it for a while and stopped using it for training as for men it makes weeds but women seem to flourish under the high reps and relatively heavier weights than they are normally exposed to. The bodies that are produced remind me of those of female track athletes of the power field, ie. 100-800m athletes, with well-developed bodies, glutes, thighs, torso and decent arms. Not the pure aesthetic sculptures that female bodybuilders develop but more athletes in the performance sense.

One of the first women I saw was Eva T, she was one of the original Nasty Girls, the original female Crossfitters. An ex-Olympic skier, she had a good chassis.

Enjoy.


Eva on the right










Would you like to be FMS' next Guest Editor? Is there a particular muscle, a particular theme, or a particular woman that you would like to see celebrated on the blog? In fact, is there any aspect of female muscle fandom that you feel we are missing here? Email 6ft1swell@gmail.com to get the ball rolling.