Most Muscular of the Day

Congratulations to Rene Marven for winning the NPC Nationals Middleweight class in November, and although she missed out on the Overall title, her demonstration of the lamented 'Most Muscular' pose took us fans back to the days when ALL the competitors crabbed it up for us fans. It's still legal (compulsory even) in some bodybuilding contests, but in US shows it's gone the way of the 'Moon' pose and all but disappeared. Double congratulations to Rene then, and a week of our favourite most musculars. After all, Christmas is coming, and we all deserve a treat.




First of all, the basics. The most muscular is best accompanied with a roar...



And it should never be attempted by girls-next-door. Especially when they are standing next to a professional female bodybuilder who's also hitting the shot.



Enjoy!

The Ennis Effect Needs You

FMS don’t like to blow their own trumpets, but we did, after all, coin the phrase The Marsh Effect to describe the increase in women lifting weights as a result of Jodie Marsh’s foray into bodybuilding and its subsequent press. However, credit where credit is due, The Sun has beaten us to it this time, today reporting on how Jessica Ennis’ showing at the Olympics has given rise to what they are calling ‘The Ennis Effect’: a surge in women craving six-packs just like Team GB’s golden girl Jess.



So far, so good. And the article goes on to say that personal trainers are reporting a huge rise in women seeking washboard stomachs.



But before you start dreaming of a nation of women working out and toning up those abs in sweaty gym sessions, the next sentence betrays the true nature of the article: And one Harley Street clinic, LoveLite, has had a 200 per cent increase in women booking in for tummy-fat removal since Jess’s triumph.

Oh dear. So this isn’t going to be about the sweat after all?

Well, yes and no. The article focuses on three women inspired by Jessica’s bod, her abs in particular, and the lengths they have gone to to achieve the Ennis look. But two of the three have gone to clinics rather than gyms, one to have ‘non-surgical lypo’, the other a ‘tummy tuck’.

Nevertheless, Natalia Ryumina, an actress from Croydon, deserves our congratulations for taking the hard way. I could never get rid of that last layer of fat around my tummy, she says. Consequently, a top personal trainer was hired, new movements targeting specific abdominal areas were introduced, Natalia started travelling with an abdominal exercise gadget so she’d never miss a workout, and now, she says, I look at my tummy in the mirror and I can see the definition I’ve always wanted.

However, Natalia had a pretty good exercise regimen going even before she was allegedly struck by the Ennis bolt during the Olympics, so if we’re going to take the article at face value, we can only conclude that ‘The Ennis Effect’ is going to be good news for Harley Street clinics, and not such good news for fans of female muscle.



But if Claudette Santana hasn’t managed to bring a smile back to your face, don’t despair, for there is a ray of hope in the article. Apparently, 72% of women would rather have an athletic figure than a skinny one. Now, even if that means two out of three of them go to the clinic, that still leaves one out of three hitting the gym.

So, at this dark time of the year, let’s focus on the positive. One in three of 72% of women who want washboard abs might go to the gym as a result of Jessica Ennis’ Olympic exploits. It’s something to cling to, isn’t it? Certainly better than nowt.

And it gives us an excuse to post some sexy abs, so it can’t be all bad…




81% of men, according to The Sun, would prefer a woman with an athletic build to a skinny one, so let’s all do our bit to help the Marsh and Ennis Effects and refuse to settle any longer. Let’s start insisting on it, shall we?



It might involve us getting off our arses and getting ourselves into the best shape of our lives. I mean. You can’t expect her to do all the work while you sit on the sofa and scratch your plums, can you? Too much effort? Well, what about if you ended up cuddling a woman with abs like these every night?



FMS can only conclude that if we are to avoid becoming a nation whose female stomachs are all the result of cosmetic intervention rather than exercise and sensible diet then we all have to do our bit. New Year is approaching. Resolution time.

So, in a final bid to make you resolve to make your resolution increase the amount of female muscle lovin’ happiness in the world today, I leave you with…




Enjoy!

Beauty of the Day

There is no excellent beauty that hath not some strangeness in the proportion
Francis Bacon


Sarah Hayes

Two's Up of the Day

Monday blues-beater


Jennifer Scarpetta and Sarah Hayes: guaranteed to make your day!

Have a good week!

You Can’t Trust A Man Called Piers

News that Piers ‘Morgan’ Moron (© Private Eye) thinks Madonna’s arms are too muscular is resolutely refusing to go away. Once a self-publicist, always a self-publicist, and re-locating to the USA (my condolences) hasn’t affected Piers’ ability to generate column inches for himself. Seeing as David Furnish had already put the boot in on Her Madgesty after the Golden Globes, Piers, couldn’t resist kicking a woman when she’s down, and getting himself all over the media just before a new series of his US talk show begins. Yawn.

Wait! I hear you cry. Aren’t you just adding to those column inches? Don’t do it! Walk away!

I hear you, but here in the UK we haven’t forgotten exactly why it is that Mr ‘Morgan’ Moron has gone stateside. The condensed version is that when he was the editor of the UK daily newspaper The Mirror, it was, according to one of the senior journalists who worked for him, ‘very unlikely’ that he did not know that phone hacking was used by representatives of his newspaper, and Piers said as much to the recent enquiry into the phone hacking scandal: Mr Morgan admitted he had listened to a tape recording of a voicemail message left by Sir Paul on his then wife’s mobile phone was how it was reported by The Daily Mail. So, someone played him a tape recording of a message left on Heather Mill’s voicemail, but he didn’t know that people who worked for his newspaper were hacking phones. Yeah, right. And this from the man who resigned because his paper had printed fake pictures of British soldiers abusing Iraqi prisoners, and I think you can see why Piers thought a trip West would be a good move.

You can’t trust what comes out of Piers. In some instances, the opposite of what he says is, in fact, the truth. So let’s assume that Piers wasn’t breaking the habit of a lifetime and that what he said about Madonna and her arms isn’t really what he thinks at all. He’s given us no reason to believe him before, why should we do it now?



And if Piers was lying, how does he really feel about Madonna, and her ‘caveman’ arms? The only reasonable conclusion is he thinks they’re hot. He doesn’t want her on his show because he knows he won’t be able to control himself. Minutes into the interview the urge to jump over his desk, grab Madge’s bicep and start slavering all over it will be too much. And then he’ll be finished in America too.

Since the Piers/Madonna story broke, Female Muscle Slave has been tirelessly hacking Mr ‘Morgan’ Moron’s phone and personal computer, and we can reveal, exclusively, that Piers is one of us. A female muscle addict. Some of the evidence is presented below. All the pictures were recovered from the ‘Morgan’ Moron phone or PC.


Heather Foster left a voicemail on Piers’ phone soon after the TV interview threatening to come over and punch him into next week if he mentioned any other woman’s arms again. Lisa Giesbrecht left a similarly angry message, promising Piers that he had licked cream off her biceps for the last time, while Betty Viana was so angry she had to resort to her native Spanish to express herself fully. The Female Muscle Slave translation team are still working on the English transcription of the message. So far, they have Now listen you hairless boy who licks fuck sticks… We imagine much of the rest of the message will be unprintable.


This picture of Kim Perez was recovered by our hacking team from a folder named ‘You’re So Vein’. Get it? His gift for language is stunning, isn’t it? Also in the folder was a document in which Piers laid out what he’d like to do to poor Kim’s vascular pythons. Needless to say, it wasn’t ‘ban them from television’.


This stunning pic of Aleesha Young was Piers’ most recent screensaver. No, really.


Skadi Frei actually sent this picture of herself to Piers after she heard his comments on a Swiss news channel. These are big arms you silly little man, her e-mail read. Now I dare you to come to my house in the Alps and call me a caveman to my face. Julie Bourassa was also in touch soon after the interview. I could crush your head like a grape, she said on his voicemail. And if you bag muscular women publicly again, I just might. Marja Lehtonen also called to say that Thursday at 2pm is fine. Piers hasn’t been seen since he boarded a flight from New York to Helsinki on Wednesday night.


A hacked e-mail exchange with Sarah Hayes further reveals Piers’ female muscle lovin’ tendencies. Mr ‘Morgan’ Moron begs Sarah for a muscle worship session, and when Sarah explains she doesn’t do sessions, Not for anyone, and especially not for you, there follows much undignified pleading from Piers.


Sarah finally threatens to forward the entire exchange to his wife in order to get him off her case, to which Piers replies, Do it! I’m leaving her for Fabiola Boulanger anyway! Now, a terrible liar and a bit of a pest he may be, but at least he’s got good taste (when it comes to muscle women anyway).


And finally, this image of the magnificent Brigita Brezovac looking particularly magnificent was one of the ones that came up when the hacking team searched his phone for ‘Most Recent Documents’. In fact, if our time calculations are correct, he must have banged one out to Brigita just after his interview finished, rushing to the studio toilet as soon as his mic was off. No, that’s unfair that last bit. That’s just something I made up. He probably waited until he got in the lift to do that. Or the limo. Or both.

Enjoy! And remember, when Piers says he’s repulsed by women with muscular arms, what he means is he loves them.

He probably reads this blog.

Biception

There are a lot of different dogs in the world, but when someone says the word ‘dog’, we all have a general idea of what they mean because we all share a general idea of what all dog have in common. In philosophy, this general idea is a concept.

Now, I think we can all agree that there are definitely not enough women in the world who have well-developed biceps. Seeing them in real life is such a rare occurrence for me that I am forced to scour the internet for them! This rarity has an effect on the general idea, the concept, of what biceps on a woman looks like.



Now, me and you, when we think of female biceps, might imagine those displayed by Sarah Hayes above, or maybe Birgita’s magnificent pair. We might just as well imagine Nataliya Romashko’s works in progress, or [name removed by request] flexing both barrels as she opens the door to welcome us to her home for a night of muscle worship. This is our concept of a female bicep. Our bicept.

[image removed by request]

But the others, those cursed with an aversion to muscular women, or those that simply don’t scour the internet for images of them, where does their biception come from?

Today I overheard a conversation while I was tucking into my green curry at Greenwich Market. Two women were talking about a mutual friend and how big her biceps were getting. They weren’t being negative, just incredulous that this friend seemed to like showing off her big arms.

Apart from thoughts of getting to know the women at the next table so I could get to see their friend showing off her arms, images started to spring to mind. Images of women with big arms. Images that reflect my bicept. Images like this one of the gorgeous Lyris Capelle.



They mentioned her fiancée (Curses! Foiled again!) and suddenly something like this flashed through my mind.



‘Too big’, I found myself thinking. This was, after all, the real world. They couldn’t be that big. Big for most people is something like this.


I’m not complaining by the way, I think they are just lovely, and I’d be proud to rub oil into either one. Or both if absolutely necessary

But then I really did come back to the real world. One of the women said ‘If she keeps going like this, she’ll be like Cameron Diaz.’ What?! As big as Cameron’s?! And not even yet, but at some point in the future ‘if she keeps going like this’?!

The general bicept, therefore, seems to be that Cameron Diaz has huge arms for a woman, whereas our group bicept is something quite different..

I wish I could have opened up the laptop and given them a taste of Alina Popa fully-pumped, Heather Policky (what would they have said about her legs?!) or Danielle Gardner, who has just slammed the door, flexed her arms and told you that she isn’t going to let you out till she’s finished with you.



If I’d shown them Carla Rossi (one bigger than the other, but both far far bigger than Cameron Diaz’s) or Amanda Micka’s big round baseballs, would it have altered their bicept forever?



Some people think it would have. And have set up a scheme whereby other women’s bicept can be re-aligned. Female bodybuilders visit women’s groups, show off their guns, and as a result, the next time one of their friend’s has arms that could maybe one day rival Cameron Diaz’s, they don’t express surprise at how big they are and get me all excited, waste my valuable Christmas shopping time, only to kill all my hopes because of their faulty, and no, I don’t think that’s too strong a word, faulty concept of what a female bicep is.

Rebecca Armstrong is seen here at one of these bicept re-alignment events. She seems to be enjoying it a little more than the other women present, doesn’t she? It’s never nice to find out you’ve been getting it all wrong. And there’s nothing better than being the one to tell them!



Enjoy!