(More) Summer Lovin': Bumbum #1

Despite hot, hard and disproportionately developed competition from the likes of Suelen Bissolati and more recently Alessandra Alvez, Gracyanne Barbosa remains Brazil's bumbum #1. Heading towards 7 million Instagram followers - Suelen and Alessandra both have less than half a million, and even Eva Andressa Vieira with 4.6 million isn't in the same league - and, although not a competitive Bodybuilder, Gracyanne was in your Hot and Hard 100 for the fifth consecutive year in 2018.



Mostly, it's Gracyanne's spectacular lower body, her world-renowned bumbum and thunder thighs, that get all the attention - and rightly so. However, I'm sure I'm not the only one who's noticed that recently as well as adding definition to her prodigious size down below, Gracyanne has also been getting bigger and more defined up top.



This is all good. As a female muscle lover, more muscle is always good. But spare a thought for Gracyanne. Suddenly nothing in her wardrobe (that isn't super stretchy) seems to fit anymore. For a while I could still do my jeans up as long as I didn't have any underwear on, she explains. But now I can't even do that. Worse still, her ever-growing body has actually destroyed a fair portion of her wardrobe. Not that anyone's complained, but it's pretty awkward when your top just rips open in public, she says. And I'm having my lingerie custom-made now because everything off-the-peg bursts at the seams as soon as I put it on. Not that her husband's complaining...



Is her love of pole fitness responsible for this growth spurt?

Or is it - notwithstanding somewhat ridiculous accusations that she is the "Queen of Fake Weights" (ie. that in her training videos the amount she seems to be shifting is just a few actual weights plus a load of 0kg "fake" ones) - simply that she trains really hard?



Whatever she's doing, it's working.



Ai karamba!

[NB: Gracyanne Barbosa had nothing to do with the making of today's post, and all quotes attributed to her are completely made up - FMS Legal]

Underrated: Robin Parker

A new occasional series, Underrated is not intended to be about judging decisions - if it was, we could probably run a post about every single woman who's ever competed! Instead, we aim to (re)focus on women who we think do not enjoy the prominence they deserve in the collective female muscle consciousness - someone a new recruit to the female muscle lovin' world would not necessarily come across.

Thanks to BM for today's suggestion, a woman he calls "an absolute legend".

UNDERRATED?



Search for Robin on the major fansites and you will find her. She has a page/thread on both, and on Girls with Muscle in particular, there is no little appreciation among the comments. She was "a great FBB" who "had an outstanding physique". She was "a pioneer in the sport", "mature muscle at its best", "phenomenal", "exceptional", "so stunning and built". Several fans say Robin was one of their all-time favorites".



Praise indeed. Stories from those who were lucky enough to meet her in her pomp recall "her mass and vascularity", and "her beauty". Another (much more confessional) sessioner recalls her being "by far the sexiest, most delicious, and most tantalizing woman I ever saw. She should be giving lessons to every sessionette. She knew just what to do and how to do it, and was the perfect mix of muscle size, strength, facial beauty and personality. She just oooozzzed sex from every pore of her body."



So, Robin was (and probably still is) rated by some, but for a woman who first picked up weights in 1985 then finally hung up her posing suit in 2006, there is precious little really quality material available, and most of it is from the last few years of her career.

CAREER



From training at home with "basic equipment" to becoming the Masters Nationals champion took her just four years, and the following year (1990), she appeared at her first open national level show - the Jr USAs. She finished 2nd behind Chris Bongiovanni in her Heavyweight class at the USAs in 1995, and was 2nd again (this time behind Lora Ottenad) five years later in 2000. In all she competed at national level eight times, and on five of those occasions made the top 5 in her class.



These days, that wouldn't be much of a record to boast of, but to put it into perspective, let's look, for example, at the 2004 Nationals, where Robin is generally considered to have been at something like her beefiest, even though, for once, she was among the Light-heavyweights. Including Robin, there were 20 women the class, and among those who placed below her on the day we find names such as Alicia St. Germaine, Gayle Frankie, Norma Nieves, Star Blaylock, Sondra Faas, Angie Salvagno, Heather Lee, and Debbie Bramwell. Only Dena Westerfield, Kim Perez, Elena Sieple and Cynthia Gonzalez (I know! WHO???!!!) placed above her. She competed among such quality line-ups throughout her entire career.




The year after that 2004 Nationals (her third), she finally won her pro card with her second Overall Masters Nationals win, and a year later she made her one and only pro appearance at the 2006 Europa Supershow. I could go on about the quality of that line-up, but I'll let you check it out for yourself. She placed a creditable 15th (better than a handful of legendary names) then thundered off the stage for the very last time.

APPRECIATION



As mentioned before, most of what we have got to go on regarding Robin was shot in the last few years of her FBBing contest life, the results of her twenty previous years of lifting only too evident in her thick, mature physique. That kind of size plus definition will do it for me every time, and when - as with Robin - a bucketload of ropey veinage is also on offer, it's not hard to see why she got such glowing reviews as a session provider. What that body must have been like to touch is quite beyond my level of comprehension, but to gaze at her and try to imagine is a game worth playing!



What does survive from her earlier amateur years reveals that physique-wise she was just as ripped (and only a tad less thick), and just as exciting. Facially the toll of those twenty years had not been paid so fully when she posed for WPW/Ray Martin, and her admittedly unconventional but undeniably alluring beauty shines through.



I always enjoyed those sensational legs, her chest, her arms, and her lush dark hair and deep dark eyes. Her smile too I always thought was a winner, and not long after I made my first virtual female muscle lovin' friend online, he shared Robin and Christa Bauch's (rightly) famous 2-4-1 Ray Martin video with me. I didn't watch much else for a month. It's freely available in its entirety these days - part 1 here. Not the best quality, but it doesn't have to be when Robin first strolls into shot, legs encased in sheer fishnets, ordering Christa away in her basso profundo voice... Turns out this clip (and the other four parts) still has the power to make me swoon all over the place.

NOW?

At the time of writing, FMS hasn't managed to turn anything up about Robin, unfortunately. We hope she and her family are well, and that she is still watching Real Time with Bill Maher. We hope, in fact we expect that, now well into her 60s, Robin is still the same great advert for the female muscle lifestyle that she always was.

So, you lovely readers, who do you think should be next on Underrated?

Great Glootz of the 21st Century: Masterpieces

With apologies to Lora, and to Monica, Laura, Gracyanne and Debi (especially Debi, she was a striation away from making the Top 5), and to countless NABBA goddesses and their thongasmic displays of ripped glootage... Who else could it possibly be?!



Horizontal, lateral and vertical size. C. Moore has measured a few pairs of cheeks with my special virtual measuring tool, and trust me, Heather's glootz went both wider, deeper, higher and further out than any before or since. Massive MASSIVE meat.



You could - literally - rest your beer on them. (Although I imagine, if you were in a position to do so - the use of the Policky (I refuse to say any other name) masterpieces as an ad hoc table would be pretty much the furthest thing from your mind.)



Let's not waste any more time and go straight to the treat - here.

In total control of her muscles... and me!




Before Alina, she was the Great Uncrowned Queen of Female Bodybuilding.

Well, uncrowned no more.



Queen of Glootz!

Oh Heather...

The (Mis)Adventures of C. Moore Glootz IV

We left my good self residing at Her Majesty's Pleasure.

No sleep that first night I lay awake expecting to be buggered at any moment, I really did. "Indecent exposure", my friends, gets you a shared cell in the wing reserved for others who offences are of a sexual nature, any of them. I didn't know what my cellmate was in for - when I asked he didn't say, which hardly calmed my nerves. I tried again and again to conjure up some comforting gloot-based images. None came to me, and so I lay there, imagining bad bad things, staring at the ceiling, clutching my rough blanket to my chest as if it were a protective cloak. Longest night of C. Moore's life.



Freedom, denied.

Group therapy, compulsory.

"If I could only show you what I'm talking about..."

The laughter. Even our therapist couldn't resist a smile.

What was it exactly about me that they found so funny? I was here to co-operate. That first night had scared the bejesus out of me. I wanted out asap. Sooner than that even.

Slowly, the laughter subsided.

A hand went up.

"Yes, John?"

"I was just wondering, Miss, maybe we should see some pictures of these women he's on about," he started to air jack. "You know, see for ourselves how f***ing irresistible..." He cracked up the room followed. I was surrounded by fools.



I got a pal to print and send some adornments for the cell.

My cellmate - not as scary as I'd imagined - didn't object.

"Not my cup of tea, mate, but it's live and let live, innit."



He even gave me a bit of alone time in exchange for a few quid.

"Yeah, knock yerself out, mate. Mind yer mess though."



Group improved as well. They'd stopped laughing anyway.

Still, it was far from pleasant first few weeks.

Time seemed to stand still. How C. Moore yearned to have unlimited internet access again, and how I despaired at all those brand new muscle butt images I was missing out on. How I longed to go out to the streets and search for new, tight and toned targets.

"Am I making good progress, would you say?"

I collared the therapist, our "Miss", after session one morning.

"Are you...?" She looked genuinely shocked. Was I standing too close? I'd seen others talk privately to her, surely I wasn't breaking any rules... She composed herself.

"Take a seat, will you?"

The next thirty minutes or so were the second most life-changing minutes I have ever experienced. She spelt it out, and - I now realise - for the first time since that big lock in that big door had gone "click", and what's more probably for the first time for many many years - C. Moore listened, really listened. And I learned.



I hadn't actually made any progress at all, she told me. As long as I continued trying to blame the women for my predicament, without even a hint of responsibility for my own actions, no progress would be made. "If you actually listened to the others in the group," she said, "you'd know that already. They've been where you are, blaming their victims. Sooner or later you have to realise it's your fault and you have to change."



C. Moore spent that night lying awake. And the next, and the one after that.



I lay awake and imagined a different life. A number of them in fact. A life without muscle butts, cold turkey, total abstinence, would be, I knew, a life not worth living.

If I was to change, that was not an option...



And so I began the private, hermit-like existence I live now. Occasionally I do have to venture out, and I'd be lying if I said there haven't been a couple of moments when certain urges have had to be resisted, but so far, so good. The memory of my period at Her Majesty's Pleasure with just 18 images, just 36 glorious glootz for company has proved the ultimate deterrent. I've even found some (albeit temporary) employment!



Private worship only. I'm with the majority now.



It feels more comfortable than I ever thought it would.

C. Moore's MOST WANTED, an 18-month 2018-19 calendar containing all 18 images that kept our anti-hero company in his cell through those long dark nights of the soul is available now or postal order from FMS. Send a SAE and a cheque for £25.00 payable to FMS, Inc. to the usual address. Hurry while stocks last!