This is not something I find pleasant, and I don’t think I’m alone, so for myself, and any other Brits who have been similarly suffering, I offer an antidote. A selection of very un-obese women. Toned, sexy and hot enough to put your health at risk, accompanied by my own musings. Perhaps a bit of inspiration for the larger ladies of Britain (if, for some bizarre reason they read this!)? Or perhaps just motivation for us chaps to make sure that once your lady gets to the gym (January is coming after all, resolution time) she stays there?
Being the hottest thing in the gym, I wear as little as possible, and spend a lot of time looking in the mirror. When the guys think I’m checking myself out, I’m really just watching them watching me. The lust on their faces is so cool. I love being desirable.
The guy who does reception on Tuesdays and Thursdays isn’t bad looking at all. I always flash him a nice smile on my way out. And yesterday I gave him a cheeky bicep flex too. His eyes suddenly widened and his jaw dropped. He looked like a cartoon. I guess he’s one of those guys who like a bit of muscle on their woman. If I’m right, he’ll be like putty in my hands soon. Don’t get me wrong, I’d never cheat on [insert your name here] but I do love the power my body gives me over men.
If your girlfriend isn’t negative about muscular women, she must be a very strong, very secure woman, and you are a lucky guy. If she is negative though, have you ever wondered why? Does she even diss wannabes like Cameron Diaz? It’s pure insecurity. She knows a superior woman when she sees one. She knows us muscle babes can take you away from her in about as much time as it takes to tighten the abs or flex a calf or a bicep and give you a little smile. She senses my power over you and she would not be able to stop me. Oh, she’ll let you watch women’s tennis because, face it. you ain’t ever going to meet Serena. It’s me she’s afraid of, the glamorous neighbourhood muscle girl. Her neighbourhood threat.
Whatever I wear, wherever I go, my muscles get me a lot of attention. Men looked at me before, but since I’ve developed my muscles they look, look away, look again and again and can’t stop looking. It took some getting used to at first. Now I love it, and when I have an audience, if I’m in the mood, I give them a little show. I can flex my calves just by crossing my legs or pop a bicep just by resting my arm. Put both hands through my hair and I can pop double. And when I’m in a bikini, my abs get a workout from all the tensing and flexing. It’s a wonderful feeling.
I was going to write something about fit women bringing peace to the world, promoting it by wearing anti-war symbols on their posing suits, but on second thoughts I’ll just let you enjoy Larissa Reis. In peace. Peace.
So, she won! Now maybe she’s thinking about how supportive you’ve been. Tonight could be one for the diary. And it’s ultimately because, as a surprise at New Year, you bought that gym membership for her, and kept encouraging her, supporting her, telling her how much you liked the way her body was changing, and how much happier and more confident she was, and how you loved the way other men looked at her when you were together. It all led up to this moment. Yes, tonight could be one for the diary indeed.
Your woman can have it all. Beauty, brains, muscles and kitchen skills. Don’t let her become a statistic in a Daily Mail story, or, worse still even than the Daily Mail, part of a bit of BBC stock footage filed as Fat Women. You owe it to her, to yourself, and above all, to your country.
Enjoy!
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