But this being a New Year, new members have appeared at the gym. A few of them are, refreshingly, women. Some of them have even ventured off the machines and into the weights room, which with all the testosterone flying about in there is pretty brave, God knows I felt intimidated when I first joined!
Now, I’m a married man. But the appearance of these new lady members made me realise what a great time of year this is to be a female muscle fan in a gym.
Up to 70% of people who make a New Year's resolution decide that this will be the year when they exercise more regularly and eat more healthily. Although many of these people are, unfortunately, men, this does mean that more women will be going to the gym this month than at any other time of the year.
To many gym 'regulars' (rats, bunnies, whatever), this is hell on Earth. You might recognise the type (usually, in my experience, but not exclusively, men) who have been going to the same gym long enough to delude themselves into thinking they actually own it, and, by extension, every piece of equipment in it. They spend January in a constant state of agitation as they actually have to wait to use things, then they huff and puff home and rant on bodybuilding forums about these people who have invaded their gym.
In contrast, to the gym-going female muscle fan (the single one anyway, I wouldn't advocate any of this to those of you in relationships), January presents a unique opportunity: the gym has more women in it than ever, and they are not (yet) buff enough to cause you the kind of adrenaline rush that will tie your tongue, and leave you capable of nothing more than sneaking furtive glances at them across the gym and in the mirrors.
Grasp your chance. 60% of gym memberships go unused and attendance is usually back to normal by mid-February, says Time magazine, and according to recent surveys, nearly 75% of the people who made resolutions gave them up on or before January 10th.
So any resolutioners still at the gym at the end of January are doing better than the vast majority, and any newbies still working up a sweat by the end of February are probably the real deal.
I'm not saying you should be hitting on every new female member at the gym, it's not (and here I am probably for once in agreement with the 'regulars') a place to socialise. I'm merely suggesting you be civil (even if it is out of self-interest), and anyway, don't you want to be thought of as a nice guy (as well as having a great body)?
Any ice-breaking done now might pay massive dividends later. Be friendly to the cute but flabby woman. Who knows? By this time next year she may have lost that excess weight and gained some muscle. You never know, she might end up looking like one of the ladies in the pics I've posted here (call them 'visualisation aids'). And among all those angry regulars who stood and huffed and puffed while they waited for her to finish on the machine, it was you who gave her a smile, showed some consideration, made her feel less intimidated, and in a small way helped her towards realising her goal, consequently adding to the sum total of female muscle in the world.
And best of all, the fact that you've been passing the time of day with her while her body changes insures against blathering-idiot syndrome rearing its head when she has got all nice and buff and has exchanged her baggy gym gear for a little top and a pair of tight almost-not-there shorts. It's win-win!
Unlikely? Maybe. But bear in mind that once upon a time (not so long ago - 2006 to be exact), a woman named Tarna Alderman made a New Year's resolution...
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