The Year in Review: November/December

Found myself on compulsory temporary leave in November, which wasn't so bad - I needed a break. Rather upset about the identity of my replacement though, and the reprobate duly lived up to my expectations by stealing some of my notes to use as the theme of his most eloquent post. Most of the time November was about wanking to female muscle, as far as I can see. It is his declared hobby - I have a copy of his CV here - and the "friends" of his who also contributed seem to be into it just as much as he is.

NAUGHTY NOVEMBER

The (Mis)Adventures of C. Moore Glootz



We always had our tea around 6, so C. Moore whacked in a VHS around 5.55 and munched away on his fish fingers or whatever safe in the knowledge that later in the evening, once parents were safely tucked away in bed upstairs, he would be free to review, replay, rewind and frame advance at his leisure, with a pint of orange squash (fluids important, but that hardly qualifies as a top tip) and a box of mansize tissues.

Bum Bakhar BOOM!



Better to be alone with her and them. The garage makes me think of lube for some reason and just as I do my lube of choice starts leaking out. Polish the joy trumpet, make it glisten like her perfect skin sweaty after a hard gloot sesh. My (actual) head begins to tilt back in ecstasy, my eyes begin to roll, and my whole body starts to shake. Moaning, gasping, bucking, gooning, my prayer reaches an ecstatic climax...

Fan-tasy:
Two's Company, Three's A Crowd, But An FBB Plus Three Is So Heavenly
by Hot Beef



Back to her place. "I would invite you all in," she tells us as she unlocks her door and steps into her apartment, "but, you know, early morning cardio..." She steps out of her shoes. "I didn't get this body by staying up all night." Again, I feel no disappointment. It's been a privilege to spend this time with her, just to be in her presence. But it's not quite over yet. She slips out of her dress to reveal her beautiful naked body in all its magnificence. She hits a series of poses - arms, chest, thighs, abs... It's too much, overwhelming. I feel my legs trembling, my head spinning...

Fantasy: At Her Service
by Gym Slave



My absolute go-to clip is Tazzie Colomb, huge and sweaty and although she begins with a little top on, it doesn't last long. That gorgeous deep and sexy Southern accent, and lots of arrogant flexing to camera and for herself in the mirror. Towards the end of the clip she bench presses some serious weight for 20 reps (as I recall), topless, her pumping pecs glistening with sweat and swelling bigger and bigger. That would be the ultimate - to be there, hard and ready to do her bidding, to get my face between her legs and lap away, to be muscle f***ed unconscious as she rises from the bench totally fired up, dripping wet and ready to destroy the first hard cock she sees...

Natalia Brings Us Together



It was a "moment", many many joy trumpets sounding out more or less simultaneously as the contest photos go up. For a day or two at any given time there is a Natalia tribute happening somewhere in the world. For a day or two we (maybe not all of us, but the vast majority) are all looking at the same body.

Great Glootz of the 21st Century: Cathy



Some women achieve incredible contest glootage at maybe one or two shows in their competitive lives. Very few achieve it again and again in their career, and Cathy LeFrançois has arguably done it better than anyone for well over two decades.

Glootasm of the Week



And so we goon. Speaking becomes tricky. I would say we debated the various merits of these magnificent examples of womanly gloothood, but you hardly call my bud yelling "Zoa is FERRRRRRM bruvva!" and me yelling "Yeah but Michaela is HAAAAAAARD dude!" a debate as such, but the sheer physical pleasure (expressed in moans, in gasps, in animal yelps and bellows) flows through our bodies with beautiful intensity, and sharing the feeling takes it to a whole new level of ecstasy.

Fantasy: The Best Seats in the House
by musclejack



This being a fantasy, the women absolutely LOVE it. All our hard cocks lined up for them. They eyeball their victims, show them where they want it, hit the pose and BAM! another load flies stageward, another poor drooling muscle lover has to start all over again - we're all full of viagra or some such, so staying hard is no issue!

Glootz etc. @2017 IFBB Ferrigno Legacy Pro



Just outside the top 6 on the day, and runner-up in C. Moore's reaction rankings is Amanda Smith, who was making her pro debut (that's what the minions tell me anyway). Whatever. WOW! Minions also say she's fast-becoming a forum favourite over at the place where men pretend to be women in the chat room. Whatever.

Great Glootz of the 21st Century: Masterpieces



Horizontal, lateral and vertical size. C. Moore has measured a few pairs of cheeks with my special virtual measuring tool, and trust me, Heather's glootz went both wider, deeper, higher and further out than any before or since. MASSIVE meat.

NPC NATIONALS 2017

Swell returned for our annual review of the Nationals. It was good to be back.



Once again the Overall Bodybuilding champion came from outside the Heavyweight class. Fallon Brinson was a Physique competitor this time last year, and will be a Physique competitor next year, but by becoming a Light-heavyweight Bodybuilder for a day, she was able to earn her pro card. Switching up for the one show was the smart move. Fallon only had to beat one other Light-Heavyweight to get to the Overall posedown, and was one of a total of just 16 women in the Bodybuilding classes, compared to the 44 potential rivals she would have faced in Physique.




In the Figure division, we especially enjoyed phenoms Martina Harris (Overall winner); Capucine Leconte (Class "A" winner); Kessia Mirellys (Class "A" runner-up); and Debi Laszewski's girl, Brittany Miller (runner-up in the "D" class).



It was long overdue, so even if she would never have beaten her former self, news that Jennifer Kennedy - one of the best-reviewed of those FBBs who like to get up-close and personal with their fans - had been awarded her pro card was most welcome.



Kristina Nicole Mendoza and Carla Maria Bradley were our Beautiful Beasts from the Heavyweight Bodybuilding class. Inexplicably, neither made the top 3.




The standout division was, as always seems to be the case at these national level shows now, the Physique division. Far too many gorgeous, muscle sexy women to mention all of them - but the cream of the cream included Lauren Hanford - who had only decided to compete for the first time 17 weeks previously; Ashley Fuller with "a bit of the Susan-Marie Smith vibe about her"; the "must have been mighty close to taking the Overall" Rachael Chaskey; and Lisa Luettinger and her quads.

And finally, for that week, and for our look back at 2017 - Jacquelyn Hickerson.



She f***ing ruled! Happily, this was one of those all too rare occasions when the judges and my loins were in full agreement about the outcome. And obviously Jacquelyn felt like the right woman was going home with the trophy as well.

One more post to come before Christmas, our 2017 Women of the Year.