Tube Watch

Seems like not very long since our last round-up of recent YouTube clips, but we've certainly collected more than enough to fill another post, so, we thought, why not?

WHEN A WOMAN LOVES A MUSCLE WOMAN



The girl can't help it! I do especially like the way our worshipper loses the ability to finish even the most basic sentences, and, finally, the ability to articulate words.

It's sort of comforting to know that The Madness can strike the ladies just as much as it can us fellas, although I'm more than a little jealous of how much more physical access (and free physical access at that) a woman going ga-ga over a muscle woman can get!

See also: IFBB Physique pro Sarah-Aude Salbot getting felt up by a female admirer this time last year in Miami (where - in my head - women like Sarah-Aude walking down the street wearing not very much are such a common sight the locals are immune).

WHEN A MEN LOVES A MUSCLE WOMAN

In the normal scheme of things, MuscleSportTV is not an essential watch, but one of its shows - the imaginatively named Gregg & Joe TV - hosted by Gregg (Valentino) and Joe (Pietaro) turned out to be more interesting than most. Gregg and Joe interview "Big Daddy" Chris, a New Yorker and session regular. It's a tad cruder than I would ideally like it to be, but once I had suppressed my inner prude, I found it mighty refreshing.

The interview starts at 6.52



This may not the most respectful discussion of the topic, but I like how unapologetic Chris is, his disdain for the "schmoe" label, and his love of FBBs at their most vascular, when they look like "a GPS road map", as he puts it. The fact that Joe also confesses to being a female muscle head as well but only pleasuring himself and being (rightly) jealous of Chris' experiences is another aspect of the piece I can identify with!

From the gutter to the ballet we go (perhaps feeling we need to restore FMS' highbrow credentials at this point) [you're more deluded than I thought - ed.] with Oksana Grishina going back to her conservatory roots for a collaboration with Boris Ivanov (pianist and co-director) and Konstantin Frolov. The music is not the greatest, and there's far too much fading to Boris for my liking, but there's no denying how impressive Oksana is. The 10 or so seconds after the 1.54 mark is truly breathtaking.



The error in the title (for the benefit of our non-English-speaking readers: men is plural, One Man's Dream would be correct) may, for all I know, be entirely deliberate. Perhaps the filmmakers are commenting on the fact that what we think are our individual muscle woman fantasies are actually shared collective fantasies.

Or something.

GLAMMED AND TANNED

Best Muscle Video continues to delight with its edits of individual women, both amateur and professional, at recent shows. Our pick of the recent amateur bunch are the very watchable Gisselle Cole (Figure) and Chrissy Cuellar (Physique).

Meanwhile, they have started (I hope there will be more) to put up footage from the St. Louis Pro this year, with veteran FBB turned Physique Master Candice Carr and the gorgeous Katie Lee already ready to view. Our pick of the pros from that show and from the channel recently though is Krista Dunn. Make it past the abs and thigh at 2.40 and you will have lasted longer than me [that's "highbrow"?! - ed.]



For more Euro-centric delights, Lara Tasharofi, the Austrian winner of this year's NABBA Slovakia, gives quite the glute-show, but Body-Xtreme's coverage of the Physique class at the recent German Championships is truly essential viewing. Despite their jobs depending on it, the Research Department haven't yet been able to identify the last of the posers (or indeed any of them) but whoever she is, she is very special.



Enjoy!

January Clearance! [I-K]

"Too many to feature here" is a phrase I seem to have typed a lot over the past year, referring to the vast number of women and/or images the female muscle head is faced with in these instant information times. On the upside, you never go short. The downside for the blogger is there are far too many to feature here - there I go again.

It felt wrong just to forget about the women we intended to feature at some stage during 2017 but didn't. Firstly, the fact they have come to our attention at all is the result of some pretty solid sifting by the FMS research team, and it would just be plain rude to ignore all that hard work. And secondly, it's not the case that we once thought these women were worth posting about and don't anymore - we still do.

The solution we came up with is The FMS January Clearance - we're going to feature all the women who are taking up space in the "TBC" folder on the 2017 planner. And you're getting them all together in a sort of but not really alphabetical order (you'll see what I mean). Further your enjoyment by clicking on the names.

Five beautiful bods a day for seven days. Have fun!


IPEK ALTUN



She might be much less famous than some of her countrywomen, but Turkey's #1 Bodyfitness competitor is the most successful of all of them, and has earned everything she gets. She did (at least, I mean these are just the ones we know about) 5 international contests in 2017 - her best results (again, this is what we know, which may not be all) were silver medals at the Diamond Cup in Rome and the Olympia Amateur in Spain - and finished 3rd in the 2017 IFBB Bodyfitness rankings.



A striking beauty, Ipek seems to be a hard trainer - those pec veins don't just appear, do they? - and she also seems to know what she's doing with other kinds of meat.



What's not to like?!

Not to be confused with another Ipek with muscles, WBFF Fitness Pro Ipek Yildirim.


IVANA DVORAKOVA



Some ladies' social media is, for all the pictures of their beautiful bodies, a bit samey, a bit bland. Not so Ivana Dvorakova's. Caption for the above - "This flat won't clean itself!" Check her out - you might well end up, like me, thinking this Czech domestic goddess is, on top of the beautiful body, probably quite a lot of fun to hang out with.



31-year-old Ivana did, until 2017, compete in Bodyfitness, but last year she refused not to grow and (like so many women currently) switched to the Physique division. A 3rd place at the late season Diamond Cup in Milan was her reward. And pizza, obvs.



Reminds me of Jackie Hague a bit - which is certainly not a bad thing!


JENNIFER ULLMER



From Germany, Jennifer has been one of the top Junior Bodyfitness competitors in Europe over the last couple of years, and she also won at senior level for the first time in 2017 - becoming national champion. But it's not been for her contest results but for her other (obvious) charms that she's come to the attention of the fan forums.



The collective we especially like her pecs.



Give her a leading role in a new primetime series! demands one excitable Ullmerette. She is awesome - beautiful, confident, and carries her muscle so naturally. Exactly what a leading lady should look like. And she probably wouldn't have too much trouble fending off the unwanted advances of horny producers either - exactly the kind of skill leading ladies have been sadly lacking over the years, more's the pity.


OLESYA GOMBERGER KACHUR



A Russian FBB who styles herself as "She Hulk" and isn't Natalya Trukhina or Kuznetsova? Guess we can safely assume Olesya isn't easily intimidated.



Maybe she thinks she's safe down in her so-south-it-is-almost-Georgia base. Maybe she's already done a deal with Natalya - "You be "She-Beast", I'll be "She-Hulk".



And you can probably guess from this nonsense that I don't know much info about Olesya, but I know what I like, and that beautiful body covered only in tape is it.

Not to be confused with Alessy Kochura, Russian Bodyfitness phenom, who, let's face it, was a mere typo away from actually being one of your five-a-day today.


KRISTEN NUN



Not that I'm complaining - what a bull! - but does anyone have any photos of her that are not taken in the gym with Kristen wearing her baseball cap backwards?



No, as was pointed out to the forum poster, they don't. And nor do they know much about Kristen either, other than that that gym's in Kansas, and that she usually wears vests that are black. Some diligent research by the FMS team has, however, shown that she also owns others that are purple, grey, white, and even pink! But such mystery hasn't stopped (perhaps it's actually encouraged) the fascination the female muscle lovin' brethren have quickly developed for this undeniable meat feast for the eyes.



Only other thing we can tell you is she likes to do a bit of shooting, often with (what to my "no-guns-please-we're-British" eyes looks like) pretty specialised weaponry. Perhaps she's not giving much away because she can't... Or she'd have to kill us.

Never Better: Skadi Frei-Seifert - Essen 2011

SKADI FREI-SEIFERT
Runner-up, 2011 FIBO Power Pro Championships



Once upon a time, the best female bodybuilders in Europe could strut their stuff in a pro show on a European stage. Six years and one month ago, ten of them - including a returning-from-career-threatening-injury Helle Nielsen, Italians Giusy Caputo and Claudia Partenza, big beasts Daniela Sell and Roberta Tuor Zazzaron, and Greek beauty Elena Kavva (plus Cathy Lefrançois, whose name is kind of European anyway) went glute to glute at FIBO Power. Just six years ago.




It was a triumphant return for Helle, but she has gone on to bigger and better things (and a name change). However, for Skadi Frei-Seifert, ex-basketball player, Sports Science graduate, former manager of the Swiss national cycling team, mother, PE teacher, and namesake of a Norse goddess, this was by far her finest hour.




Pretty beefy in pink for the prejudging, Skadi seemed to have had several more applications of Pro Tan before the night show, where she was absolutely spell-binding with a flower in her hair, showcasing her her beautiful body with a routine that lives long in the memory - for me, one of the best of the decade. Let's remind ourselves...



An edit (albeit a skillful one from friend-of-the-blog jlelmariachi), and obviously not the original music, but you get the idea. Reminiscent of the down-and-dirty posing routines of the late '80s and early '90s, before the IFBB (in their infinite wisdom) told the ladies off and ordered them to downplay the sexy. Skadi's not for that though, her finger to her lips, those legs-across-the-body moves on the floor (I'm so jealous of a judge's POV sometimes), gyrating hips, the steamy looks over the shoulder...




She'd started out in Bodyfitness seven or eight years before this, graduating to Female Bodybuilding around 2007. By 2010 she was a German champion and competing in pro shows in the US, her best result a top 6 finish (in a field of 19) at the Europa Battle of Champions in Hartford. Her runner-up spot at this show qualified her for her one and only Olympia appearance. She briefly returned as a Physique competitor in 2013, reviving the same routine as she had performed here, the same gorgeous, sexy woman, but wearing a lot less muscle (and Pro Tan). Something of a forgotten woman, I would say, she's now Skadi Töpken, but she's still the same damn fine-looking woman.



Tomorrow, Rene Marven. Can you guess which contest?

Enjoy!

Twin Packs: The Jakic Twins

Where?
"Germany"



Who's Bigger?
You tell me - I don't even know their names! And besides, they are more about the lean abs than the bulging muscles - "fitness", not "bodybuilding". Every other picture these two post is like an ad for Bikini Magazine, reckons (mainstream) lads' mag Mandammit. They’re the perfect embodiment of the Wrigley's "double your pleasure" jingle.



The Jakic Twins on Instagram.

Enjoy!

First Love

She was on the cover of the first bodybuilding magazine I ever bought.

This particular (UK) issue of Muscle and Fitness was possibly the first one I'd seen that had only a woman on the cover. And what a woman! I'd flicked through magazines in shops before, furtively ogling the female bodybuilders as the adrenaline rush that I have become so familiar with coursed through my body, but I'd never gone through with actually purchasing one. This time though the sight of Anja's incredible body, ripped and oiled in a black bikini was just too much. I couldn't leave the shop without the magazine, or more accurately, without the woman on the cover.

Dry-mouthed, I whipped the magazine off the shelf and went up to the counter and paid. For some reason, the shopkeeper put it in a brown paper bag, usually used to hide porn! Were my intentions that obvious? I quickly popped it into my bag and left the shop in a hurry. I bounced along the road, ecstatic. I was taking Anja home!

FMS, "Meine Top 5 Deutsch Muskel Mädchen: Winner"



It was 1980 and I was 15 years old when I started training with weights. I was the only girl in the gym, but this did not bother me. I actually enjoyed it, especially since the guys were all amazed at how strong I was. Slowly but surely, I got into a regular work-out schedule. For the first six months, I trained twice a week. Gradually, I increased my training to three times a week, then four times a week, and so on. Then in 1981, I decided to enter my first competition, the Baden Wurttenberg championship. I placed second, that is second to last, but rather than letting it discourage me, it fueled my ambition and I trained even harder.

Anja Langer, "My Story"



By the time I was taking Anja home, she was one of the best female bodybuilders in the world. There had been several more contests, first local, then national, then international. At junior level, she was world champion in 1985, then in 1986 she took German and European titles and turned pro. Amazingly, she was just 21 years old.



I didn't know any of that as I unwrapped my precious cargo from its temporary brown paper home, alone at last. Of course I masturbated while looking at her, there was plenty of that, but I also remember spending a lot of time just looking at her, following the contours of her muscles with my eyes. How perfect, and how fascinating her muscular body was! The way her shoulders curved up and out, the way her abdominals seem to be pulling her tiny waist in, her hard muscular chest, the way her thigh and calf muscles flared out - all these details and more became locked away in my brain.



She had a relatively short career in the end. Runner-up at the Worlds (to Bev Francis) in 1987, 4th at the Olympia the same year, followed by another silver medal at the 1988 Olympia. She put her career on hold for a year, intending to return to the Olympia in 1990, but life got in the way, and she had her first child in January 1991.



There have been tantalising glimpses of her since then. She did some photoshoots in 2000, and again in 2009 (with Marjo Selin), and 2010 for the German edition of Muscle and Fitness. She was, as you would suspect, still gorgeous, still toned and muscular even after a second child, a great advertisement for the sport.



For me though, very few female muscle lovin' experiences have ever compared with the excitement of that first magazine purchase, and I will always think of Anja as she was on that cover and inside those pages. You never forget your first love, do you?

Happy Valentine's Day!

And don't forget, voting for the 2017 FMS Hot and Hard 100 will only be open for two more weeks. Email 6ft1swell@gmail.com or use the comment box on any post.

If you have already voted in a comment box, be assured I HAVE received your votes, but I'm not going to publish your lists until after voting closes on the 28th.