Saturday, 21 June 2014

Three Heads Are Better Than Two

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Sir,

Your blog,
Female Muscle Slave, has many commendable qualities. However, we are writing to bring to your attention the obvious and repeated bias it has shown in favour of our antagonists. This bias, one might even call it a prejudice, has been inherent within the blog from its earliest days, but has, in recent months, become so pronounced we have felt compelled to demand you restore some semblance of balance.

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We are, of course, referring to your tireless glorification of the biceps brachii, muscles that are, in every way, inferior and far less important than we, the triceps brachii, are. Not only do we have one more head each than our overrated opposition, but we are also, on average, twice as large.

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It is indisputable that we, not they, are the Daddies of the upper arm. Furthermore, we are considerably more useful. Yet your blog continually and consistently behaves as though we were not there at all.


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At the time of writing, Female Muscle Slave has 156 posts which are tagged "Biceps", and, as far as we can see, not one tagged with our name. Yet many, in fact, ALL of the women so lauded by your authors for their arm development are, quite plainly, 66% tri, and only 33% bi.

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Unless you take immediate action to begin to redress this preposterous imbalance, the only reasonable conclusion one may draw is that Female Muscle Slave is an institution rampant with anti-tricep sentiment.

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A blog, yes, we will say it, rife with tricepophobic prejudice.


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To help you begin the process of rectifying this sorry state of affairs, and as a sign of good faith that Female Muscle Slave will do the right thing, we have, along with a suggested title for the piece, attached a selection of our best images in order to facilitate your prompt action on this matter.

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Should you require further examples, please do not hesitate to contact us.

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We look forward to reading your first ever post tagged "Triceps".

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Yours sincerely,

T. Rice & P. Brachii

Friday, 20 June 2014

100 Biceps: Day 7

Our last post of the week, taking us from bicep #061 all the way to bicep #100, is a cavalcade of the Best of British Female Muscle Bicep Beef, from the 1980s to the present day, with old favourites, famous names and (I hope) a few British Bicep Belles who will be new to you and will prompt you to do some further investigation.

Apologies to all the marvellous muscular women who haven't made the list, and especially to Ms "U", Sally Ure, who I really wanted to include (amazingly it's the ONLY missing letter) but I just couldn't find a usable image of her flexing her guns.

AN (ALMOST) A-Z OF BRITISH BICEPS

A is for...
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Lesley-Ann Armstrong (061, 062) & Kate Austin (063)

B is for...
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Hayley Brylewski (064)

C is for...
Rene Campbell (065), Carolyn Cheshire (066)
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Christal Cornick (067) & Lisa Cross (068)

D is for...
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Donna Hartley-Wass (069, 070)

E and F are for...
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Emma Sue (071) & El Fegan (072)

G is for...
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Gayle Moher (073) & Georgina McConnell (074, 075)

H is for...
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Jackie Hague (076) & Rosie Harte (077)

I is for...
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Silvana Imbrogno (078, 079)

J and K are for...
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Jodie Marsh (080) & Kimberley-Anne Jones (081)

L is for...
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Joanne Lee (082, 083)

M and N are for...
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Sharon Madderson (084) & Lohani Noor (085, 086)

O is for...
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Tammy Oldham (087)

P is for...
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Paula Bircumshaw (088) & Bernie Price (089)

Q is for...
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The Queen, Andrulla Blanchette (090, 091)

R is for...
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Rochdale, home of Linda Gartside (092) & Ria Ward (093)

S and T are for...
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Sarah Hallett (094) & Tamar Makar (095)

V and W are for...
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Kizzy Vaines (096) & Wendy McCready (097)

X is for...
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Xyleese Richards (098)

Y and Z are for...
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Yo Lazarov (099) & Zara Crowe (100)

Enjoy!

Thursday, 19 June 2014

100 Biceps: Day 6

KRISTY HAWKINS: 059, 060
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You'd recognise that arm anywhere, wouldn't you? Particularly from that angle, from behind. If I'd cropped out the face, you'd still know who that incredible peak belonged to, wouldn't you? Sure you would. There are peaks, and there are peaks, and then there's Kristy Hawkins' peak as seen from behind. One of the great images of female muscle. Not just the above image, but any image of that peak taken from that angle. I'm not saying that Kristy's mouth-watering biceps looked bad from other angles, it's just that only from behind do you get to see them in their fullest glory.

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2005. Kristy appears at the NPC Nationals for the first time. She finishes 4th in the light-heavyweight class behind winner Dena Westerfield, runner-up Debi Laszewski, and Elena Seiple. Imagine that. 2006. Kristy is back again. So are Debi and Elena, and they beat her again, with Debi winning. Angela Salvagno came 4th. Talk about line-ups! 2007. Kristy's 3rd appearance. She wins her class ahead of Britt Miller, and Karen Choat (Elena comes 4th this time). In the posedown for the overall title, she's up against middleweight winner Tina Chandler and heavyweight Beverly DiRenzo. Kristy wins. At her third attempt she gets her pro card.

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Her Nationals win was the culmination of a nine-year amateur career. It [bodybuilding] was something I always wanted to do, she has said. I always used to play around in the weight room while my mom did aerobics. At 16, she was able to stop playing around and start lifting consistently, at first primarily to control my weight and because it made me feel good about myself. A year later and some local promoters took her under their wing so she could appear in a show they were putting on. Kristy was still only 17. She won her class in her second show later that year, and was also awarded the Best Poser prize. By 2003 she had claimed a number of regional NPC titles and set about preparing to make her Nationals debut.

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She began her pro career at the age of just 27, with a decade of competition behind her and a physique that was (and still is) truly mind-boggling. Yet this was a time when weight classes had all but disappeared from professional female bodybuilding shows. And it was a time when giants like Iris and Yaxeni were reaching their peak, when Heather Policky came close to winning the Ms O. It was a time when legends like Dayana Cadeau and Betty Pariso were still competing, and, as mentioned above, the likes of Dena Westerfield, Debi Laszewski, and - a year after Kristy - Sheila Bleck were joining the ranks. The number of shows with a female bodybuilding class was dwindling, and the competition was at its fiercest. Kristy's pro career peaked in 2009 with a second place in Atlantic City and a 7th place at the Olympia (behind - check this out - Kyle, Policky, Laszewski, Lisa Auckland, Yaxeni and Pariso!) One competiton in 2010 and she officially called it a competitive day in 2011.

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And during all those years of competing, Kristy was working towards and getting her PhD in Chemical Engineering. A female muscle interviewer who once asked her about her area of research got this answer: My focus is on metabolic engineering in yeast, specifically developing inducible promoter systems to control gene expression. The ultimate goal is to be able to synthesize complex molecules (i.e. pharmaceuticals) in yeast and to optimize these pathways for industrial-scale production. Quite.

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Golden. It's a word that often springs to mind when seeing/thinking about Kristy, and not just because of the resplendent blond locks she had towards the end of her career. She always seemed (and seems) to me to be almost shining in her photos. Maybe her aura, her eyes, her beautiful tanned skin, or a combination the three. She just shone.

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2011. Three years ago. Seems longer to me. Seems like Kristy is a female bodybuilder from another time, and in some ways she is. Back then there was no physique division. Back then Dena, Debi, Elena and Kristy made up the top four in ONE of the weight classes at a national show. No disrespect to the wonderful women who have battled it out at the Nationals since then, but that is a top four of legend. A top four from what seems now like a little golden age. And Kristy was very much a part of that.

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Check me out getting all misty-eyed for the not too distant past! Don't get me wrong, I LOVE the present too. But I don't think I am alone in looking back on those line-ups in near disbelief at the quality on stage. And when I decided to do another week of biceps, the stunning, golden Kristy Hawkins came to mind almost as fast as Marja did.

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And what of Kristy now? Well, no surprise that the chemical engineer became a chemical engineer. But she maintained her physique, and these days you'll find her controlling her weight and making herself feel good at her local Crossfit gym. She was ranked 91st in the Northern California region in the 2014 Open, that's 583rd worldwide! There was a little flutter, well, a BIG flutter if such a thing is possible, on the forum boards a while back when one fan located a lonely hearts ad she had placed.

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Unsurprisingly, the ad wasn't there for long.

Enjoy!