(Female) Muscle Cars

Today's "standard issue" car selfie is brought to you by the double-barrelled loveliness of Figure Pro Christina Palmer Woodward, anything but a standard issue type of a woman. Once addicted to alcohol, she's been addicted to bodybuilding since 2008.

You can read more about her here.



My editor initially rejected this image because he couldn't actually see the car behind sexy Sherri Gray. Seems he's got a great eye for muscle but a pretty poor one for everything else. What's that? You're telling me you can't see the car either?!



A new take on the in-car selfie by Karin Klingstedt. And on the right, Hollywood star Kris Murrell tells a would-be passenger where to go (while on holiday in Britain).

TREASURES FROM THE CARCHIVE


Leilani Dalumpines

A dream indeed. I'm pretty sure I had the issue of Flex(?) this appeared in. It's little wonder myself and the rest of the magazine generation got so totally and utterly hooked on female muscle. There weren't too many pictures of fbbs in the mainstream bodybuilding mags, and very few "glamour" shots, but each one was memorable.



Also from the archive, glammed up and much missed Colette Nelson (few women have worn a dress quite as well as Colette did in her pomp) and glammed up and still got it Sheila Bleck provide two similarly memorable images of a more recent vintage.

Now, in case you need a map...


Marthe Sundby

Imagine that grip!

And we leave you for today with last year's FMS Hot and Hard 100 #1, Shannon "Spartan Racer" Courtney, firstly with her rightly famed in-car eyebrow flexing.



And another "Can You Spot the Car?" teaser.



Vroom vroom!

(Female) Muscle Cars

Keep your eyes on the road and your hands upon the wheel...



Or not.

The forum boards seem to be awash with pics like that of the gorgeous Stephanie Rowe (above), as muscle babes add the car to the list of places to proudly show off their hard-earned gains. It's almost become mandatory to update their social media with a flex in the gym car park, or when stuck in traffic, or while actually driving!




I wouldn't say I'm exactly bored of these kinds of pics, but there's a lot more variety (and history) to female muscle in and around cars than this new niche of pic, and our research has suggested that these flex in the car images have been around for much longer than we had expected. This week we'll be showcasing some of the best of these driver's seat selfies, and raiding the femuscle car archive for your viewing pleasure.



Buckle up!

She's So Shredded: Miss Beast

I am SO busted.



But, writes Melissa Lesage, I ain't even mad about it :-)

Well that's good. So, let's take this IG stalking to the next level, shall we?



Melissa goes by the wholly appropriate Instagram name "missbeast25". So I guess that must mean there are at least 24 other Miss Beasts?! Maybe there's a 26 and 27 too...



Time for them to consider a name change. They'd be foolish to continue with the "missbeast" moniker if they are aware of #25, even more foolish if they think they can outbeast her. Look at her face poking out of that hoodie, the expression as warped as her freakish legs like she's so disgustingly ripped that she's even disgusted with herself. Last summer when I was shredded peeled & nasty, she tells us. But I loved every last second of it! YES my liver, kidneys, and heart took a hit but did I DIE??! NOPE!




Seven days a week she trains. Fasted cardio every single day. They gawp at her calves and ask her when she's competing and she loves to tell them she isn't even in prep.
Yes her vital organs might have to suffer a tad, but nothing's going to stop the beast.



Overtraining?? she asks. Oh wait, it's rhetorical. Nah! I just have big goals and dreams. And big beautiful pumped up muscles with beautiful big veins flowing all over them, Melissa. And I should bloody well know cos I've been stalking you long enough!



missbeast25 on Instagram. Get your stalk on.



And if you've got time on your hands and want a laugh, just look up some of the other million or so woman who dare to call themselves Miss Beast and compare. I'll tell you, there's barely a muscle between them, not to mention a damaged vital organ.



Enjoy!

She's So Shredded will return on FMS soon.

She's So Shredded: Paloma Parra

Paloma Parra began lifting towards the end of her career as a semi-pro footballer. I wanted to strengthen my legs, she says. Gradually I began to get more involved, heavier weights and nutrition. I immediately saw the results on my body.



That was 1991.



She's been giving us pleasure for the best part of a decade, and competing for nearly two. Initially a bodybuilder, she has gone from Fitness, to Bodyfitness, to Physique. She has been WABBA World Fitness Champion and the NABBA Ms Fitness Universe. Twelve years ago she was the NAC Ms Universe in the Masters Bodyfitness class, and six years ago she was crowned the IFBB Masters Bodyfitness World Champion.



She competed in Physique for the first time last year, when, at 49, she finished way down at the Atlantic City Pro (15th) and the Puerto Rico Pro (11th) - although she did finish 5th in the Masters class there. And in the meantime her Instagram and Facebook have became a little piece of heaven for fans of the freakishly vascular muscle woman. Not since the glory days of Trudy Ireland (and I am a fully paid up member of this club by the way) have we seen such thick and gnarly veins. Such vascular maturity.




Paloma crops up in some of the mighty Hevumisa's magnificent Arnold Europe and FIBO clips. She's as happy to flex for his camera as she is obsessive about flexing for her own. She really seems to be trying - if the grunts and groans and the mighty pump pulsing through her muscles are anything to go by - in her Fit Vids preview clip.



She regularly posts images of herself that take my breath away (among other things). I'm a particular fan of the "Eleonora Dobrinina pull down the shorts to give us a better look at those cuts move", and Paloma is a past mistress at it - should probably call it the "Paloma Parra move" actually, but anyway, close-ups of her mighty arm are also guaranteed to get my eyes popping right out of their sockets (among other things).




"Basebell" biceps is a mightily overused term in my humble, but if anyone's got the perfectly rounded biceps that merit the description, it's Paloma. And topped off with those incredible veins too. Like a baseball covered in spaghetti. Or something.



She may have got the coveted pro card, but it's only fuelled another dream in her - to qualify for the Olympia. Long may she continue to thrill. I could take at least another decade of Paloma's muscles. If I maintain my own cardiovascular health, that is.




At least another decade. Viva Paloma!

She's So Shredded: Jessica Lynn

Our Jessica Lynn, on Facebook as Jessica Lynn Dickerson, is not the same as Jessica Lynn IFBB Bikini Pro (and star of a number of Herbiceps clips). Bikini Jessica you can check out here. And here. And here. Our Jessica? Facebook pretty much.



I can't tell you much about Jessica (our Jessica that is, found loads of info about the other Jessica) except she's a native of Ohio who now lives in San Antonio and works for the US Department of Defense (I'd sleep better if I knew there were women like our Jessica safeguarding my national security). And then there is her favourite quote, from "A Midsummer Night's Dream": And though she be but little, she is fierce. And ripped.



She doesn't seem to compete, though she is - when not defending the nation - a qualified personal trainer. What she does do a lot of is admire her own muscles in the mirror. And, with apologies to the Bard, though they be but little, they are HOT!




And she's a looker. Something of Shannon about her, stunningly beautiful and ever so slightly scary at the same time. Like she's too good-looking or something. Perhaps a little dangerous - that glint in her eye. Though she is cute, she could f**k you up.



This is exactly the kind of post - one where I have only the bare minimum of information to work with - that I look back on two, three months down the line, and cringe at. If I'm not going all gooey - for example, at the sight of such a perfect split peak or that ropey vein that runs down our Jessica's arm - then it's a case of me writing absolute piffle. Maybe I should just give it up and ditch the words altogether!



Let the muscle and skin speak for itself.