The (Mis)Adventures of C. Moore Glootz I

[NSFW - not even remotely, and I think it is probably safe if we all assume that while C. Moore is putting the posts together, ie. for the next four weeks, that will be the case every single day. You have been warned. - ed.]

Day two, and already C. Moore has clashed with FMS editorial.

You want to post what?!

This question mark exclamation mark bold italics kind of tone is clearly one I'm gonna have to get used to while I'm pouring out my heart and soul for this organisation.

Begin at the beginning they told me. So I do...



In the beginning there was the erection. And lil' C. Moore, sat as he was between his Mum and his Dad among thousands at the Crystal Palace stadium that chilly late summer night, had no fugging idea what it meant, but it felt good to put his hand on it, and even better when he started to stroke it, faster, and a thrill that grew and grew till a wave of euphoria washed over him, and he felt a warm dampness down there.

Denise Lewis, many years before her Sydney gold-medal-winning muscular definition, was competing in the long jump that night, and the pit was right in front of the Glootz family seats. To be honest, I don't know if ol' C. Moore here particularly had a thing for Denise's bod that night or whether the above episode was just a culmination of all the bods that flew through the air in front of my wide little eyes - whatever - but my first she was, and she still has the power to make me drop 'em and get busy every single time I see her on the BBC athletics coverage. Multiple times sometimes.



Athletics. My gateway drug.

Soon C. Moore wasn't missing a single meet on TV, and was scoping out local and in time not so local meets to take his packed lunch and long lens camera to. Sprinters, jumpers, runners, throwers. Muscles, muscles everywhere, and reinforced triple layer underwear - extra supplies in the bag for good measure. C. Moore came prepared.

Fast forward...

Dad Glootz finally starts earning enough to get Sky. C. Moore enjoys all those channels that show abs machine ads on repeat. Enjoys them so much that more than once he has to hastily cross his legs (and keep them crossed) when a parent walks into the room.

Top tip #1 - forget about changing the channel, your priority is and always should be to get that stiff cock out of sight first. Wouldn't you much prefer to answer the "What are you watching?" question than the "What on earth are you doing?" challenge?

Anyway, it doesn't take too long for C. Moore to realise Friday evenings on Eurosport is where it's at - "it" being more beautiful muscular bodies than I can keep up with.



We always had our tea around 6, so C. Moore whacked in a VHS around 5.55 and munched away on his fish fingers or whatever safe in the knowledge that later in the evening, once parents were safely tucked away in bed upstairs, he would be free to review, replay, rewind and frame advance at his leisure, with a pint of orange squash (fluids important, but that hardly qualifies as a top tip) and a box of mansize tissues.



More often than not, I was up all night.

The pattern was set. Compulsion, addiction, whatever you want to call it. From that very first chilly evening at the Crystal Palace, right up to this very moment as I type, I have not stopped being aroused by female muscle in a most extreme and uncontrollable way. In fact, only recently - conditions of the orders being dropped and the tag coming off - have I learned that it is possible to resist the urges brought by such arousal, a lesson that could have saved me from much trouble over the years.

Trouble that I intend to recount in further installments of my misadventures.

You are probably wondering what the fuss was all about. NSFW?! I hear you cry, question mark exclamation mark bold italic tone and all. Yeah, well, C. Moore likes to finish things well, and so I searched for an image to sum it all up. And I found it.



From day one. This is what female muscle has been to me.

(And I believe that is an FMS first!)

Far From Routine: Ellogon's Treasures Part 1

Since 2009, YouTuber "Ellogon" has been building probably the most amazing female muscle contest collection that (as far as I know) exists. Unsurprisingly, many of your suggestions for this week's posts led me to clips uploaded to their channel, and on top of that, I found that many of my own favourite routines (or at least the very best versions of them that are available) were right there on that same channel too.

In fact, so numerous were the nominations from Ellogon's channel that I thought it best (especially after yesterday's, er, let's say "festival of excitement") to split our collective tribute to their work into two parts. Today, two reader requests, and a couple of Swell picks from three famous names from the good old "Golden Age".
That two of them are both requests and favourites of mine just goes to show that it's true what they say that great female muscle lovin' minds really do think alike!


Reader Request/Swell Pick

NATALIA MURNIKOVIENE
1994 IFBB Worlds

The best leg definition in the show, says the Eurosport commentator, an accolade that Natalia could claim in most of the shows she competed in during her career. Her performance here has just about everything that you could possibly want from a routine. Dance moves, flexibility and gymnastics, hard flexing through gritted teeth, oh so expressive, crawling across the stage like a silky, powerful pantheress on heat...




Swell Pick

YOLANDA HUGHES
1997 Ms International

Dubbed "The Queen of Mobile Muscle", Yolanda performs her way to the first of her two Ms International triumphs. If Natalia's routine has everything you could want, Yolanda's has that and a whole bunch of other stuff you never dreamed possible.



For my money, every routine Yolanda ever performed is worth a watch, a second watch, and a third, fourth and fifth as well. If you fancy a bit more of her WOW factor, you might like to check her out at the 1991 NPC USAs, a Ms Olympia I'm not sure of the date of, and the 1993 Ms Olympia (no sound, but my personal favourite posing suit).


Reader Request/Swell Pick

MELISSA COATES
1997 Ms International

And from the same show, the best advertisement for not getting cosmetic surgery back when she was the best advertisement for female bodybuilding. In those days Melissa could have come on with a paintbrush, painted a bit of the stage and watched it dry and it would have been sexy, so this performance must have threatened the trouser fabric of many an audience member. My personal highlight comes just before the 1.00 mark - the little "hula hoop" move followed by an abs and thigh pose. Major swoonage.




Enjoy!

Those Magnificent (Female Muscle Lovin') Men And Their Editing Skills

Fan-made compilation clips have been around for years, but it seems to me that in recent months it's not just the quantity that has increased but also the quality. Female muscle heads, armed with editing software, their female muscle clip library and, in many cases, an ear for a good tune as well, are producing ever more impressive work for our viewing pleasure. And for today's post we've picked four of the best.

CHOOSE YOUR WEAPONS
by Ultimate Muscle

Ultimate Muscle has produced eight (at the time of writing) compilation clips that focus on individual women, a particular muscle and even a favourite pose. His clips tend to let the women do the talking - literally - rather than have a soundtrack for the images, although his latest work, Ultimate Muscle Biceps, has both. It's also more rapidly edited than the majority of the other clips, suggesting his style is going to evolve, but for our first presentation today we've chosen Choose Your Weapons, a bicep-fest which is more typical of his style in general. It stars Melissa Coates, Alicia Kavuljacova, Donna Bramble and Lisa Moordigan, and Ultimate Muscle wants you not only to enjoy the clip, but also to get interactive and vote for which of these legends should be the subject of his next compilation. Link after the clip.



Vote here.


SOPHIE ARVEBRINK MUSIC VIDEO
by femcepsfan

Femcepsfan's channel has 50+ clips, but it's only recently that he has started producing compilation/tribute or what he calls "music video" clips of his own. He has a penchant for Asian muscle women - his list of compilations includes excellent Yeon Woo-Jhi and Rebekah Kresila tributes, for example - but his uploads include all kinds of female muscle old and new. I'm not exactly the biggest fan of his soundtrack choices, but it takes more than a bit of Euro-pap to spoil my enjoyment of three minutes and fourteen seconds of skillfully edited Sophie Arvebrink clips, and I urge you NOT to mute the video and deny yourself the pleasure of Sophie grunting and groaning as she pumps and gurns. Yes, indeed. Get comfy for this one.




PEEPING TOM with YAXENI ORIQUEN-GARCIA
by JL "El Mariachi"

If you've not come across JL's work before, you can probably guess from the title of his most recent meisterwerk that this is not going to be even remotely safe for work.

Yaxeni's biggest (and boldest) fan and long-time friend of the blog, JL "El Mariachi" has been making his own special brand of clips (including what he calls his "cumpilations") for many many years now and posting them on his blogs - previously Cum on Her Muscles (sadly now gone forever), more recently Erotic Female Muscles. But he's never produced anything quite like this before, as he himself explains...

Today I'm trying something different. I created a storyboard, searched for the relevant clips, suitable female vocal dance music and put things together as an edited video for my ULTIMATE Yaxeni Cum Fun.

The Story

The young Yaxeni was touching up her makeup and ready for a competition after party. She knew she will be having LOTS of fun - party, dance, meet her fans and flex for them. As a result, she will get extremely turned on. She will demand her husband for sex marathon where they will fuck all night. Somehow she realized there was a hidden camera. A Peeping Tom was in action. Instead of alerting the security, she decided to give the Peeping Tom - an old schmoe an ultimate private muscle show...

Read more and watch the video here: Cum on Her Muscles - Yaxeni Oriquen-Garcia


SHE TRACES THE MUSCLE DEVELOPMENT WITH HER FINGER MAXIMUM VEINS SLOW MOTION by rotavirus

With a name like "rotavirus", he probably doesn't get as many hits as he should - even I thought twice about clicking on a name like that, and I can NEVER resist checking out a new female muscle channel! But those brave enough to get past the name will be rewarded with a bank of clips well worth your time. Like Femcepsfan, Rotavirus posted a number of "normal" clips before getting his compilation groove on, but now there is simply no stopping him. Fancy ten minutes' worth of The Best of Tazzie? Twenty minutes of Yeon Woo-Jhi? How about a little under forty minutes of Sexy Bikini Muscle? And they are not even close to being the longest clips you will find on his channel - two of his most recent compilations both weigh in at over an hour - like going to the female muscle cinema or something - so I guess we should make sure we've got our drinks and our large popcorn (among other things) before attempting those!

But in my humble opinion the best he's yet produced - and perhaps the best fan-made compilation clip I have ever seen - is this seventeen-minute number, epic - if not in run time - in the sheer mass of female muscle it packs in. Lisa Giesbrecht is the undoubted star of the show, but she is by no means the only insanely pumped and vascular woman on display here. The title pretty much says it all, and while you may have seen all the individual clips themselves before, I promise you that you won't ever have seen anything quite like this. It's female muscle fandom at its most intense and its most unapologetic. And female bodybuilders at their absolute muscle freakiest.



Enjoy!