Hot and Hard: The Fat of the Land

Since the Daily Mail’s front page screamed out last week that ‘British women are the fattest in Europe’ (‘with a QUARTER [their capitals] so obese their health is at risk’) I have been bombarded by film of women wobbling along the high streets of the UK every time I turn on a news channel. The fat of the land has been everywhere.



This is not something I find pleasant, and I don’t think I’m alone, so for myself, and any other Brits who have been similarly suffering, I offer an antidote. A selection of very un-obese women. Toned, sexy and hot enough to put your health at risk, accompanied by my own musings. Perhaps a bit of inspiration for the larger ladies of Britain (if, for some bizarre reason they read this!)? Or perhaps just motivation for us chaps to make sure that once your lady gets to the gym (January is coming after all, resolution time) she stays there?


Being the hottest thing in the gym, I wear as little as possible, and spend a lot of time looking in the mirror. When the guys think I’m checking myself out, I’m really just watching them watching me. The lust on their faces is so cool. I love being desirable.


The guy who does reception on Tuesdays and Thursdays isn’t bad looking at all. I always flash him a nice smile on my way out. And yesterday I gave him a cheeky bicep flex too. His eyes suddenly widened and his jaw dropped. He looked like a cartoon. I guess he’s one of those guys who like a bit of muscle on their woman. If I’m right, he’ll be like putty in my hands soon. Don’t get me wrong, I’d never cheat on [insert your name here] but I do love the power my body gives me over men.


If your girlfriend isn’t negative about muscular women, she must be a very strong, very secure woman, and you are a lucky guy. If she is negative though, have you ever wondered why? Does she even diss wannabes like Cameron Diaz? It’s pure insecurity. She knows a superior woman when she sees one. She knows us muscle babes can take you away from her in about as much time as it takes to tighten the abs or flex a calf or a bicep and give you a little smile. She senses my power over you and she would not be able to stop me. Oh, she’ll let you watch women’s tennis because, face it. you ain’t ever going to meet Serena. It’s me she’s afraid of, the glamorous neighbourhood muscle girl. Her neighbourhood threat.


Whatever I wear, wherever I go, my muscles get me a lot of attention. Men looked at me before, but since I’ve developed my muscles they look, look away, look again and again and can’t stop looking. It took some getting used to at first. Now I love it, and when I have an audience, if I’m in the mood, I give them a little show. I can flex my calves just by crossing my legs or pop a bicep just by resting my arm. Put both hands through my hair and I can pop double. And when I’m in a bikini, my abs get a workout from all the tensing and flexing. It’s a wonderful feeling.


I was going to write something about fit women bringing peace to the world, promoting it by wearing anti-war symbols on their posing suits, but on second thoughts I’ll just let you enjoy Larissa Reis. In peace. Peace.


So, she won! Now maybe she’s thinking about how supportive you’ve been. Tonight could be one for the diary. And it’s ultimately because, as a surprise at New Year, you bought that gym membership for her, and kept encouraging her, supporting her, telling her how much you liked the way her body was changing, and how much happier and more confident she was, and how you loved the way other men looked at her when you were together. It all led up to this moment. Yes, tonight could be one for the diary indeed.


Your woman can have it all. Beauty, brains, muscles and kitchen skills. Don’t let her become a statistic in a Daily Mail story, or, worse still even than the Daily Mail, part of a bit of BBC stock footage filed as Fat Women. You owe it to her, to yourself, and above all, to your country.

Enjoy!

Book of the Year

Talk about the book we've all been waiting for!



An excellent review  from Brainpickings with illustrations from the book and Thomas Edison's Trapeze Disrobing Act starring Laverie Vallee (who appears on the cover) is here

Preview the book and buy it from Amazon here

Venus with Biceps: A Pictorial History of Muscular Women aims to tell the societal and cultural history of muscular women over almost two hundred years to 1980.



The author, David L. Chapman, has been amassing his archive of images for more than 20 years, and from the previews and reviews I've seen, it's quite a collection.



A fan, much like you and me, but to the power of ten, David's introduction is available to view on Amazon, and in it he confesses his admiration for strong, muscular women with much eloquence. This book has clearly been a labour of love for him.



What's on your Christmas list now? Your secret Christmas list maybe?

Go on, treat yourself!

THE definition of a female bodybuilder

Dictionary definitions tend to be on the dry side. And for good reason, as dictionaries need to communicate concisely, yet effectively, what a word or phrase means.

Take this definition of 'bodybuilder' from the OED online:
a person who strengthens and enlarges the muscles of their body through strenuous exercise

OK, it's concise, effective and correct. But it's dull. But that's OK (even though there's no entry for 'female bodybuilder') because you wouldn't read a dictionary, it's a reference book.

In contrast to traditional dictionaries though, other online ones that anybody can add definitions to throw up some entries that are worth reading just for the sheer pleasure of it. And occasionally, the definitions border on genius.

And this definition of 'female bodybuilder' from the Urban Dictionary is one of those, and provides a definition I think we can all get behind!

The link's at the bottom, but I'm going to reproduce it in full here (with a few choice photos for illustration). I can't imagine a better definition. See what you think...

Easily the sexiest, most erotic kind of female in the universe. A female bodybuilder is a superior kind of woman.



She is in touch with her femininity, and she realizes that her inner being is power, not weakness. Because she is so in touch with her inner power, she develops her muscles to an astonishing degree, able to lift incredible masses of weights that most men are unable to touch. She does this in order to break from the cage that society puts women in, to show that she is a powerful individual who no one can restrain.



Many men are unable to admit their attraction to these powerful women, for societal stereotypes indicate that women are supposed to be thin, whiny, and submissive. Female bodybuilders threaten that stereotype to such a degree that most men are threatened by them. Similarly, men are threatened by the fact that these women are far more muscular and far stronger than them, for it makes them feel that they are not living up the their stereotyped gender role of being the 'dominant provider'.



Yet nearly all men, at a deep unconscious level, are very attracted to these powerful women, and only the real men are able to admit it to themselves.



Female bodybuilders are more often than not extremely kind, energetic, and resourceful. They spend their time wisely, fit more into a day than most people, and truly grab life by the horns.



They are a threat to many, yet they are sexy beyond belief and are known to be better than any other kind of woman in bed.



Now, I would like to add that it wasn't me who wrote this, but I wish I had. I would love to find out who did write it and shake them by the hand, even if only in a virtual way.

Is this your fine work? I think you should make yourself known. (Comment or email direct to 6ft1swell@gmail.com) You are a legend!

And I think we should all make it our business to make this definition the online definition of 'female bodybuilder'. Next time I come across an open online dictionary I'm sending this definition in.

Imagine a world where all dictionaries define 'female bodybuilder' in this way. Wouldn't that be sweet?



The definition in its original location is here

Gymnastic Fantastic

More strong, athletic, flexible muscle babes to fire up the imagination.


Bat girl in training


Now, any girl with a pole in her living room is probably worth trying to get to know.


I reckon a little higher and that'll be just about head height for me.


Her flatmate only comes out of her room when she's practising her pole moves.


OK, so she's cheating with the wall there, but hell, I've tried this move and unless I've had a wall to help me, it's not ended well. And my abs didn't look nearly as good as these while I was doing it. So just imagine the possibilities and give her a break.


Now that's how you do it! No wall, just strength and balance. Very sexy.

Alicia Sacramone

We've had Lingerie Football, perhaps Naked (Artistic!) Gymnastics next?


Like a woman with a pole in her living room, it's also worth getting to know a woman who can bend herself into this position. And if you aren't sure why that is, look at the picture and think about it. And if she happens to be a gorgeous Asian fitness competitor, well, that's the jackpot!

Open Wide

Julie Bourassa's car wash is one of the most successful local businesses of recent times. If you're in Montreal and fancy giving your car the extra special buff treatment, I recommend it.

Open Wide

This is Katka Kyptova, and a couple of moments' later three of the men behind the VW ad got hard-ons that ripped through the panel in front of them. Another of the men fainted. When interviewed about the incident, Katka seemed unfazed. It happens all the time, she said. Last week I made a whole pub full of men spontaneously ejaculate and/or faint when I got up on the bar and did the splits.

Open Wide: Elena Shportun

I wish you could just flip pictures around and see the same photo from behind.

Open Wide

The magnificent Fabiola Boulanger showing off on stage at the recent Canadian Championships. Easy to see why she won. This move brought the crowd to its feet, and no doubt caused a fair bit of upstanding for male members of the crowd too.

Airborne

Deceptive though the angle may be, she's still pretty bloody far off the ground. And it all looks rather effortless. Nice.

Levitation?!


Enjoy!

Treasures From The Archive: Part II: Stimulating The Imagination

A second installment of my favourite pics of my favourite ladies from my old laptop (see Part I).

Mindi O'Brien

Mindi has, sadly, recently announced her retirement from competition, so why not remember her as she was at her peak, without an ounce of fat on her? And what a face! So stunningly beautiful she must have left a trail of dropped jaws behind her whenever she left the house - and probably still does. The contrast between her more conventional beauty from the neck up, and her somewhat more unconventional beauty from the neck down must have left a lot of guys shaking their heads. And probably repeating (in a robot voice) That face, those arms, does not compute, does not compute... And was I the only one who imagined using pictures of Mindi as undeniable proof that a woman who is muscular does not look like a man? Haven't you thought about showing a friend a picture of her face, getting a positive response then (a-ha!) surprising the shit out of them with a full body picture? No? Really?
Just me then.

Hunkess

A 'hunk' is defined as a sexually attractive man with a well-developed physique. So, 'hunkess' I think you can work out for yourself. I can't remember when I first read the word 'hunkess', or maybe I actually thought it before I saw it being used (it's just such an obvious way to describe a female bodybuilder that everyone thinks of it sooner or later), but I am certain that Kim Perez is one. A great big one. And never more so than in this set from 2005. When I can take my eyes off her thick, defined abs, they just get stuck again on the great slabs of muscle on her chest (and those juicy-looking nipples trying to escape their fabric prison). Then if I can get my eyes to move again, I don't know whether to look at the left side of her upper body, or the right. At her traps, her shoulders, or her arms. It's all a bit too much. Actually, on second thoughts, no it isn't. It's perfect.

Minimal Clothing

Pictures of hot muscular woman wearing just enough to prevent arrest seem to always make me 'respond'. They leave just enough to the imagination, and consequently can be more stimulating than fully naked shots. And at one time Rutthie Lucchesi always seemed to be bidding for the title of Queen of Next To Nothing On. She was over 40 when this picture was taken, an age when most women are preoccupied with hiding their flaws. So for me, this picture epitomises the confidence that gives muscular women such magical sex appeal.

Muscle Marine

I imagine life with Lisa Bickels would be one long round of workouts, muscle control demonstrations (private ones, just for me), then, perhaps after lunch she would fly off to foreign lands to free hostages or save lots of refugees (and kick the crap out of the bad guys), then back home for tea and massage followed by some seriously energetic sex. Again, is it just me?!

Tazzie And The Bull

Tazzie Colomb used to let her hair grow and, despite the huge amount of muscle she has always packed, look really feminine. And she has always had a gift for getting across to the viewer that she loves being a very very very muscular and very very very strong woman, looking the camera in the eye and daring you to feast your eyes on her. This picture was, I believe, part of an aborted advertising campaign for the FBBBWF (Female Bodybuilder Bull Wrestling Federation). A great idea, it was found to be too one-sided to make a really interesting spectator sport.
The bull always lost.

Emery's Flower

I first saw this picture in Muscle Elegance Magazine. Although there were countless other more revealing pictures in the issue, I spent more time on this page than all the others put together. Emery Miller exudes sensuality in her 'Baby Girl' top, her eyes giving you a come-hither look over the top of her shades. I'd say she was being suggestive with her tongue, but that implies subtlety, and quite frankly, she's being downright dirty. Yeah! And then there's the flower head. I can honestly say this was the first and only time in my life I had been jealous of flora.

A Surprise

No, I don't mean it's a surprise that Denise Masino's legendary pussy is covered. This picture surprised me in another way altogether. I've never been 100% sure whether it's a trick of the light on the fabric of her posing suit, or indeed whether it's a cheeky bit of photo manipulation, but I like to think it neither of these things. In fact, I like to think that this picture confirms one of my earliest fantasies about muscular women. Namely that they turn themselves on so much when posing on stage that by the time they come off, they are literally dripping. And to have a fantasy come true is, I think you will agree, a surprise.

Sarah And Me

Who among us hasn't imagined what it would be like to spend a day with a female bodybuilder? Is it just me again? Well, I'm going to plough on anyway... To spend a day with a female bodybuilder, walking out in public with her, soaking up both the reactions she gets and the jealous looks from muscle-lovin' guys that you get. A walk along the sea front together, you make her laugh as you admire her arms and shoulders. A little lunch, a little shopping, maybe a movie or a museum. Then back to your hotel where she models some of the outfits you bought her. You get the idea. And for a while back in the days of this archive, I couldn't imagine having a day like that with anyone better than Sarah Dunlap.

Denise Hoshor

This photo should, in my opinion, be the first photo inducted into the (at the time of writing, mythical) Female Muscle Hall of Fame. Today I'm looking at it and it feels as if I've never noticed the veins in her forearms before. Every time I look at the photo, it seems to stimulate my imagination in a different way. It's like I'm seeing her for the first time every time. And what a sight she is! Denise's WPW sets are the most popular of all time, so she has a reasonable claim to be the fan's favourite bodybuilder ever, fulfilling a kind of collective notion of perfection. There are pictures out there of Denise as she is now. My advice would be not to look for them if you haven't seen them. Trust me if I say it's better to remember her like this, and to use your imagination about how she might look now.

More to come from the Archive soon. In the meantime, what pics stimulate your imagination most? I'd love to hear. Comment below or email 6ft1swell@gmail.com.

Enjoy!