Sunday, 30 April 2017

Mrs Swell's Easter Surprise: Strong & Sexy

When I can do a pull-up I will do it topless :)

An ambition? Sounds more like motivation, and indeed, it was in a Pin folder entitled "Gym Motivation" that this statement of intent was found. She, the lady who wrote the caption, wants the strength to do the pull-up because she wants to do it topless.

I am not complaining. I find a topless pull-up, or indeed any topless back exercise, about as exciting a piece of muscle exhibitionism as any that will still make it onto the more censored bits of the internet or for that matter anywhere on the internet at all.

And it's no use pretending otherwise, ladies. We know why you do it.

Solely to see the progression of my back muscles! claims "Cyn". Not to turn on pervs!

Oh really! And that would be why you whipped off your top and cranked out those pull-ups bare-breasted, filmed it, and then uploaded it to your YouTube channel, would it? So you could share with your 700+ subscribers "the progression of your back muscles" and make sure "pervs" (like me?) had no access to it at all. Please!

I am strong, says the topless pull-up. And I am sexy.

There's no better reason. Why try to fool us into thinking otherwise?

And to celebrate, FMS has been inspired to do something we've never actually done before and created our own little compilation of topless backs in motion - including Cyn's - and starring Cindy Landolt first and last, Melissa Wee (tanned and sweaty), Kristina Nicole, Juliana Pereira, and more! Hardly the best-edited piece of work you'll ever see, but I defy you not to be impressed by the progression...

This never happens in my gym, is the most common lament of the forum poster when faced by these kinds of clips and images. Well, no, it doesn't happen in mine either, or in anyone's for that matter. Most of them look like they're performed in privacy anyway. Private right up until these exhibitionists share them with the world.


Saturday, 29 April 2017

Mrs Swell's Easter Surprise: Ivie's Reign

Say oi to Ivie Rhein, the latest in the long line of Brazilian wonders to have had my jaw heading for the floor. Originally from São Paulo, Ivie (it's pronounced "ivi", not "ivy") has been living in the US for the last couple of years, and has now competed five times in NPC shows, most recently at the Steve Stone Metropolitan (above and below).

And she's won all of them.
Ivie reigns in 2016 at the NPC Orlando Europa (top left); NPC Dayana Cadeau Classic (top right);
& the NPC All South Championship (bottom left); plus the NPC Karina Nascimento Classic in 2017

Not surprisingly, we learn that all these first places might mean that she can get her pro card, and I for one don't see why that shouldn't be. She's got the pro body already!

Now if this is going to me the new M.O. for South Americans - move to the US, win everything in sight, join the pros - then if I were an NPC Physique competitor, I would be seriously worried and probably praying that wall gets built quick snap.

Better make it a strong wall though.

Here's Ivie interviewed by Carolina Araujo for NPC News Online after her fifth win, clutching both the Open and 35+ winner's trophies. Velvet of voice, killer smile, that delicious accent, stunning beauty, golden tanned muscle all over the place...

Prepared to be Rheined!


Friday, 28 April 2017

Mrs Swell's Easter Surprise: I Would Notice

Previously on FMS, we had Ayme De Oliveira, the "bodybuilding air hostess who claims passengers don't notice her stunningly sculpted physique except when they see her lifting baggage". Now it's a bodybuilding banker, 36-year-old Shivani Vaghela who is quoted as saying "I look normal in my suit", and, according to an article in The Mail Online, whose "colleagues have no idea about her secret life as a bodybuilder".

You can probably tell already that we are talking about a small "b" bodybuilder here, actually a Bikini competitor at those "Miami Pro" contests. So, yes, actually not a hell of a lot of muscle, not even compared to Ayme. But would that mean, if you or I were one of her banking colleagues, we'd be as oblivious to her charms as her actual colleagues seem to be? Not likely. And it's not just because our female muscle radar would probably just pick her up swanning around at Canary Wharf in her gym gear.

The main thrust of The Mail's article, as is so often the case, is the "bizarre" diet. Shivani, it tells us, "ploughs through six meals a day". The female muscle head notices such things, and is much less likely to come to the conclusion that "she has an eating disorder", which is apparently what the other bankers have decided. Often I've eaten out of Tupperware in meetings, which has posed a few questions, she says, or I've had to explain why I'm ordering off menu when in restaurants for business meetings too.

Kind of beggars belief that her colleagues aren't aware when she puts it like that. Or is The Mail once again guilty of a bit of fact massaging in order to pretty much regurgitate Ayme De Oliveira's story with added Indian heritage? It's culturally very different to be bodybuilding as a female and it's not considered a feminine look, Shivani says.

But buried deep within the article is a shameless plug for a fitness food delivery service. And that, I suspect, is really where the true purpose of the article lies.

See? I notice these things.

Thursday, 27 April 2017

Mrs Swell's Easter Surprise: Wish You Were Here (Part 2): WoS Muscle Mansion Weekend

A lot of beef. Looks like a female muscle all-star team.

Right now, I'm sitting on a hotel balcony overlooking the Cypriot coast. It's a balmy 25°C and it's not 10 o'clock yet. Down below, at the hotel swimming pool, my wife is lying out on a sun lounger. Her body looks great even from here, and I know when I finish this up (as well as "a few work emails") and I go down to join her, the closer I get, the better her body will look. It's all rather perfect. There's nowhere I'd rather be...

Although if you offered me a place at female bodybuilding's most exclusive get-together in exchange for my current situation, a sort of reporter on the ground kind of assignment perhaps, well, I would certainly have to think about it before I packed my bags, hightailed it to the airport, and hopped on the plane to Arizona.

I seriously doubt many other female muscle fans would be so circumspect.

The "Muscle Mansion Weekend" is a combination of business and pleasure for eight of the world's current best plus Wings of Strength spokesperson Lenda Murray, organised by Kristal and Jake Wood. And they know how to treat them right. Gifts, dinner, an evening out at the ice-hockey. Dressing up for photoshoots, a workout, and a little bit of contract signing as well it seems. A weekend of FBB wins all round.

There was reigning Ms Rising Phoenix Margie Martin, Helle Trevino, and Alina Popa. There was Aleesha Young, returning to the stage this year in Omaha, and Shawna Strong, Arizona local, scheduled to flex in anger again soon at the Toronto Pro, plus 2016 Puerto Rico champ Kim Buck. And there were two new pros, Margie protégé Brittney O'Veal, and Hot and Hard 100 runner-up, Theresa Ivancik.

Feast enough. But as well as Lenda, who still looks glorious at 55, I can't be the only one who's noticed just how much beef there is on Kristal Wood. No mean feat to make Alina's arms look insignificant. Being married to arms like Kristal's would be enough for most guys. Hulk Hogan lookalike Jake gets that and much much more besides.

To be fair though, he is 50% of 50% of the team who are slowly but surely cultivating the resurrection of professional Female Bodybuilding, so it's hard to dislike him.

Wish you were here? Perhaps the question should be "Wish you were him?"


More at #musclemansion

And - bonus - recorded at the NPC Nationals last year but only recently uploaded to the Wings of Strength YouTube channel, if you've ever wondered what Theresa Ivancik sounds like, well wonder no more... (even sexier than I imagined).