Thursday, 31 July 2014

C. Moore Glootz's Fun from Rear

Given C. Moore's liability to be hospitalised/incarcerated for his beliefs, I feel duty bound to get in my Hall of Fame nomnominations in this period of tranquility when a speedy internet connection is readily available to me. So, on that note, viddy well my second all-time glooteal legend for your consideration: Debbie Muggli.

More precisely yet, Debbie's NOOD GLOOTZ in their fullest glory as snapped by female muscle photo legend Bill "The F***ing King" Dobbins, a man who C. Moore most definitely doffs his cap to for his services to my good self's self-pleasurement.

Let us start by taking a look at Debbie at her most volcanic...

You are probably thinking how great that was. Well, yes, but also NOOOOO!

Reasons as follows...

1. Cameraman apparently under orders to NOT get close-up of Debbie's glootage.

2. Regulations re: posing suit coverage of said glootage A F***ING CRIME!

Now, compare with the work of the King...

Oh, no ma'am. Bill ain't shootin' a single frame until all those clothes are well and truly popped onto that chair over there and every square millimetre of your crinkle-cut glootz have been lit the shi'ite out of. YES! YES! YES! THAT is the way to do it.

Heed the KING method if you want to be C. Moore's new photo champ. Seriously. The King even got her Popa-ness herself to pop her togs on the chair one time!!!

But back to the point. The teenage kicks C. Moore had from Debbie's glootiful rear under the direction of the Dobmeister can only be measured in gallons, I imagine. And if that isn't Hall of Fame-worthy, then please do tell C. Moore what exactly is.

[editor's note - readers' Hall of Fame nominations to please!]

Wednesday, 30 July 2014

C.Moore Glootz's Fun from Rear


C. Moore is AWARE the left above image isn't REAL, but is there just to illustrate conventional rear shape. Kind of shape that'll win you Rear of the Year - twice! (he snorted). The shape of the glootiful muscle butt is, note, way different (see right).

More important, conventional butt is ALWAYS the same shape. Hard muscle butt is all changeable depending on the pose, the heels, the flexions, etc. And therefore is, even to C. Moore with his low boredom threshold, ENDLESSLY fascinating.

Every time she moves - a NEW butt! And better still, left gloot flexed one way, right flexed another... TOTALLY DIFFERENT shapes although SAME butt! Like two for the price of one (of your favourite product). What, pray tell, is not to like?

To summarise. One-shape fits all conventional butt is DULL, samey. Shape-shifting muscle butt is INTERESTING as forever reforming into glootiful new shapes.


Tuesday, 29 July 2014

C. Moore Glootz's Fun from Rear


Problem is, as C. Moore's other writings have already revealed to you, it isn't so easy to convince people that apparently matter - judges and so forth - that this very message isn't apparent to C. Moore on every single tight little muscle butt he sees.

Seems like the UK legal system is bent on fixin' old C. Moore. Curin' myself of my prede-lick-tions. But tell me, your honour, is she or is she not lookin' at herself in that mirror wonderin' how many accidents in pants she's gonna cause today? Is she or is she not aidin' and abettin' C. Moore in his so-called "anti-social" ways with her choice of glootwear? Seems to me, your honour, that C. Moore is the VICTIM here.

Have I really acted, as you say, "outrageously"? I put it to you, sir, that the outrage was really the choice of outfit. The outrage was the public display of divine glootage.

C. Moore freely admits that questionable decisions have been made by my good self. Joining Eleonora on stage, a sweaty hand on each cheek, was not the best. [C. Moore's infamous on stage appearance was made right after he had snapped the above pic - ed.] C. Moore needed a new set of teeth post-incident. Julie Bonnett's heels sure packed some power, believe. No excuses, lesson learned. Stage is for glootage display, not for C. Moore. Ensuing lifetime ban not unreasonable methinks. Still, je ne regrette rien. Knowin' Eleonora's glooteal hardness even for that fleeting moment before the pain began was worth every penny of the hospital and dental bills.

And most recently was I in traction after trying to help out the above. Am sure those hot pants told me she wanted to know how hard her deadliftin' was makin' that ass. Was sure, and AM sure. Anyway, next thing C. Moore knows is that he's finding out how hard she can punch him in the balls. So you know, she can punch HARD.

Like I said, VICTIM!

Monday, 28 July 2014

C. Moore Glootz's Fun from Rear

C. Moore heard FMS was lookin' for Hall of Famers.

"Well, how 'bout the Golden Glootz of La Duquette?" thought I.

Consider this C. Moore's NOMINATION #1.

The whole set kept C. Moore busy for months, but all-time fave is picture bottom right, where C. Moore sees that La Duquette isn't QUITE tanned all over.


And while we are at it, C. Moore also nominates La Duquette for the following clip.

So short, and yet so very very sweet. Not to mention sticky.

C. Moore needs to wipe it up. Later my brethren!

[editor's note - FMS is happy to put both the pics and the clip into the Hall of Fame, along with Michelle Baker in purple and the Abs & Thigh pose. We appeal again to readers for their own nominations - looking forward to hearing your thoughts.]

Sunday, 27 July 2014

C. Moore Glootz's Fun from Rear

Consider this C. Moore's nomination for "Freaky Rear of the Year".

Muscle, the whole muscle, and nothing but the muscle! C. Moore thought he had died and gone to heaven when this popped up on his Instagram feed. Necessitated an immediate response followed by a fair few days inside with me, myself and I.

It's like seeing the face of God - TWICE! No! EIGHT TIMES!

[editor's note - the (clearly very proud) owner of this muscular marvel is one Madelen Nilsson, a Swedish physique competitor, and was taken in late April of this year, two days before a contest, and posted on her Instagram. She's obviously a woman who embraces her muscle freaky side. I am a bodybuilder, she says, and that's why I like to motivate me and others with what we can DO with our bodies!]

Saturday, 26 July 2014

C. Moore Glootz's Fun from Rear

News that British celebrity Carol Voderman had been given 2014's Rear of the Year award - and so become the first woman to have won the title twice - sent irregular FMS contributor C. Moore Glootz into such an indignant rage that the only way we found we could placate him was by offering him free rein on the blog for a whole week.

Buckle up!


C. Moore is NOT happy. Who voted for that? For sure it wasn't C. Moore, and I hope to heaven not YOU, either. I mean honestly, a two time winner? I repeat. NOT happy.

C. Moore understands this is a "light-hearted award" and is not surprised. Who in their right mind would take it seriously? But that doesn't mean C. Moore isn't - taking it seriously, that is. No, no. C. Moore is taking it very VERY seriously indeed.

Seems to C. Moore there are plenty out there who need to be educated about what a fine rear, what true Glooteus Maxxximum is all about,
vis-à-vis HARD MUSCLE.

Consider GLOOTUCATION commenced.

Friday, 25 July 2014

Gif of the Week

Sexy muscle goddess Alana Shipp does her thing at the Toronto Pro in this set of gifs from the Tumblr known as The Extrondinary League of Sexy Muscle Women. Its author, "sexyfemalemusclefan", describes it as Sexy Female Bodybuilders, Fit Hard Bodies, Hot Sexy Bikinis, and everything else related to sexy female muscle.

I think you will find that if you head over there it fits that description to a tee.

Watch the whole routine on the mighty watatiwatatio's channel, and then perhaps sir would like to check out this Israeli news item featuring the beautiful Ms Shipp.

And incidentally, FMS' favourite Tumblr for gifs, formerly known as "Shirtrippers2.0" is now posting under the name 4TheL0ve0fFemuscle. Enjoy as you see fit.

Thursday, 24 July 2014

Me & My Madness

Today, some reflections on an encounter I had a few weeks ago with a muscular woman. I should say straight out that before you start imagining me and a Shannon Peters type getting jiggy, if that's what you're after, I'm afraid that's not what you're going to get. The woman, let's call her Helen, has a kind of a distance runner's muscularity. Very lean, very veiny, defined but by no means big. And there's no jiggy either. Sorry to disappoint, see you tomorrow if you've already had enough!

Anyway, me and Helen - we're both freelancers in the same field - happened to be working at the same place for a few days. We'd met before a few times, but this was certainly the first time I'd seen her shoulders and arms bare because so impressed was I that I can say I would definitely have remembered if I had seen them before.

Think red hair, late 40s but a younger attitude and a real infectious energy. Think distance runner, long and lean. Think not an ounce of fat on her. Think of the kind of definition that produces. Think big blue veins, one running all the way up each forearm, and across the tops of her biceps before they disappear into her pits.

I walked into the kitchen/dining area to get my lunch out of the fridge just as she was getting her lunch out of the fridge. We'd said our hellos earlier in the day - when I'd first seen her arms - so I'd been thinking about my opening line for if and when the opportunity arose all morning. And here was that very opportunity...

"What have you been doing to get such great looking arms?" I said - not too casually, not trying to be too cool, and no stuttering or mumbling shyly either. Loud. Clear. Genuinely enthusiastic and complimentary. Or that's how it sounded to me anyway!

She put her lunch down and looked at her arms. The left, then the right. And as she did so, she squeezed her hands into a fist and her forearms popped and rippled. "You know," she said, bending her elbows and wrists back slightly and forcing her triceps to stand out, "I don't do anything much. Bit of running, bit of yoga... the cycling..."

"They're really impressive. Really." Not scripted, but hey, I'm staring at her arms and she's stopped talking so something needed to be said. And I just reached out and squeezed around the top of one of arms, hypnotically almost. And as I squeezed, she flexed. I felt her bicep harden beneath her skin. And I kept squeezing for as long as I dared. It felt, in a nutshell, like a rock. Not the most original description, but an accurate one nonetheless. A rock solid ball of muscle.

"WOW!" I exclaimed (unscripted). And then she flexed the other arm, not as in a side chest pose kind of way as she's done before, this time a proper single bicep flex. In my face! And it was just as hard as the other had been, and she was absolutely loving the attention. Big smile on her face, and an even bigger one on mine.

"What about yours, then?" she said, hitting me playfully across the chest and sliding one hand up my left arm and onto MY bicep. Now I should say, for the benefit of any new or occasional readers at least, that I am getting quite proud of my own, er, guns, and I had had a few comments in the previous weeks to boost the ego a little more than my wife's fascination for my arms had already boosted it. So I wasn't shy at this point either, and as Helen squeezed away, I flexed my own bicep with no little relish.

Footsteps along the corridor alert us that we're not going to be alone anymore, and we compose ourselves before one of the staff at the place come into the kitchen. And that was it. All over. And quickly, too. You'll have to trust me on this but it has taken a lot lot longer to describe it than it did to be a part of it.

As mentioned above, this was a few weeks ago. And I've had time to reflect on it since then, really reflect rather than just close my eyes and relive the experience, think about how hard her arms felt, how much she was obviously digging the compliments and the flexing - I did plenty of that in the days after the event, I can assure you.

I have marvelled at how decisive I was about just going for it. In the past I probably would have just admired her arms without saying anything. I would have been hoping she'd pick something up or move her arm in a certain way so that her muscles flexed and I got a cheap thrill. By being straight up about my admiration I was rewarded with much more than that, but I doubt this new attitude would have been possible without the inspiration and encouragement of an online acquaintance.

He fully embraces his female muscle lovin' self. I make it my business to be around fit strong women, he has told me. I make the effort to be muscular and take care of myself so appreciate it in my girls. His stories about the rewards this kind of open and honest attitude brings must have definitely affected my own attitude on the day. I hardly recognised myself with such confidence to say what I said and make the move I made. Really. Wondering what has brought about the change has made me reach the conclusion that it was probably a combination of a few things that are pushing me in that direction right now, but his tales of loving the life are a major part of it.

You know who you are and I thank you again, mate.

And the other thing that struck me was that throughout it all, from my first sight of her arms that day to the moment we were disturbed and no longer alone, I was excited, sure, but not uncontrollably so. I was, without being too big-headed about it, cool. Or rather, I felt I was "in control" of the situation. There was no Madness!

This absence of Madness has happened before, just over a year ago (see The Peakwick Papers III), but on that occasion although the woman I encountered wanted to be muscular, she wasn't actually muscular. This was different - Helen is muscular.

So, I wondered, perhaps I'm "cured".

This afternoon (ie. yesterday afternoon as you read) made me realise this was not, after all, the case. Hot here in the UK for the last few weeks. Hot and mostly sunny. Lots of female flesh on display, although little of it, sadly, showing any evidence of muscle. But this afternoon I was on my way back to the car after work when the female muscle radar went off big time. She was coming towards me in a sports bra. Deep tan, healthy glow and (OMG!) hard, perfectly (and I mean perfectly) defined ABS!!!

She walked past me and without thinking I turned around to follow her, adrenalised, my heart pounding, my mouth suddenly dry. My old friend The Madness! Thoughts of how to get in front of her again - run? - and get those abs into view again race through my head as I drink in her deeply tanned and noticeably muscular back and shoulders. I follow her all the way to - surprise, surprise - a gym. In she goes, and it's over. The Madness fades. I turn and walk back in the direction I'd come from.

It's still there then, The Madness. I'm not cured, it seems - far from it, because just before she turned into the gym I was reaching into my pocket to get the phone out and get her on camera. And to be honest, even if I am confused about why it struck me today but stayed away during my Helen encounter, I'm not too disappointed to find I still have The Madness in me. Despite not always - after the event anyway - liking what it compels me to do, the rush of it does always leave me feeling more alive.

So on the one hand here I am glad that I didn't fall under the spell of The Madness on one occasion, and reaped the rewards as a result. But on the other hand I'm also glad that I haven't all together said goodbye to The Madness once and for all.

I'd really miss it if I had!

Wednesday, 23 July 2014

Pic of the Week

Loyal readers may remember that when we revealed Sophie Arvebrink as one of our Women of the Year 2013, FMS writer 6ft1swell also revealed that he was suffering from a rare condition that had left him quite unable to type his favourite Swede's name without adding the word "Sexy". And you may also remember that in a supposed effort to cure himself of this condition he had hoodwinked the FMS bigwigs into letting him have a one-way ticket to Stockholm to report on the lovely Sophie's activities.

The plan was for him to send us a regular piece to be published on the blog entitled Swell's Postcard from Stockholm, but we had heard nothing at all from him since.

Until last week, when this image, sent from Swell's email, arrived in the FMS inbox.

It appears to be Sophie. It's sexy enough, for sure. And it was definitely taken by Swell's FMS issue camera*. Quite what Swell was doing in Sophie's kitchen as she put down her protein shake to admire her hip veins is anybody's guess, as is whether Swell was there as a guest, or (I wouldn't put it past him) as an intruder. Is he co-habiting with Sophie? Or is he now finding out what prison is like in a Scandinavian social democracy?

You'll know as soon as we do.

For now, let's just thank Swell for the pic, and all follow Sophie on Instagram.


* Yes, FMS has a "Q" who gives us all gadgets that might be useful when in the field female muscle spotting - the cameras are tiny, and take very good pictures even when the field agent is shaking uncontrollably under the influence of The Madness.

Tuesday, 22 July 2014

Abs: 6x6

De La Soul taught us that 3 is The Magic Number, and far be it from me to contradict that, but for an old abs fan like me, 3 just won't cut it (get it?). I need 6. At least!

And thankfully, there are more than a few wonderful women out there who agree, and who absolutely will not stop until they have achieved that perfect number.

Today, FMS brings you just 6 of those many wonderful women.

Chelsea Hagan

She's a big big fan of Ryan Gosling, she's an NPC physique bombshell, and she's known as "Hulk Hagan". She was #96 in the FMS Hot and Hard 100, and in August 2011, Chelsea was Social Paintball's "Paintmate of the Month". Check it out here.

She says her biggest inspiration is Larissa Reis, and she claims to have a fun and spunky charisma. Believe! Wouldn't mind getting fun and spunky with her, if you know what I mean [oh, I think I can see where this post is heading. - ed.]

Follow Chelsea on Facebook and Instagram.

Katie Bartlett Davis

Are these the best looking abs ever? Well, according to one muscle website, physique pro Katie Bartlett Davis is definitely in the top two. She has the best low body fat result which you can achieve, claims the author. Whether you agree or not, you have to admit it's not surprising she's gazing at her abs with such a look of love.

More of Katie and Katie's abs here.


Renata who? you are probably asking, and so are we. Hopefully one of you lovely readers will be able to help, because it would be a damn shame if this kind of skin and muscle abdominal perfection were to remain unidentified. Really. Left-hand picture. Follow the cut away from her belly button towards your right. When it forks, take the left (ie. upwards) path. See that cut there? How sexy is that?!

Please. Help!

Tali Coelho

As featured on the mighty PumpItUp, and the hottest thing in Curitiba, Brazil (and that's probably saying something), Tali Coehlo is a bodyfitness competitor with the kind of midriff that makes you want to remortgage your house and blow the lot on a one-way ticket to, well, in this case, Curitiba, Brazil, "eu quero adorar o seu sexy abs" the only phrase in the book you have bothered or are going to bother learning.

Adore at your leisure on Tali's Instagram and/or Facebook.

Ida Bergforth

Yet another Swedish muscle goddess (and yes, I know she's "only" bodyfitness, but "bodyfitness goddess" hardly has the same ring, does it?). Check out the veinzzz on pre-contest Ida two days out from her first show, Tammerpokalen 2014. She took second place, describing it as one of the absolute best moments in my life! on her Instagram.

Suan Garcia

Great ridges of muscle, covered only with a fine layer of skin, cuts so deep you could lose your keys in them, and a penchant for showing her sexy muscle midriff off, Suan Garcia's Puerto Rican abs are to die for. I can almost feel the life force leaving me...

Plenty of Suan here.


Monday, 21 July 2014


News that a female firefighter from the New York Fire Department was going to be the first woman to feature in the Department's charity calendar made me think it would be a good moment to celebrate some of the (apparently) numerous women who are or have been firefighters while at the same time sculpting their bodies with iron.

But first, what of this pioneering New York firefighter?

Her name is Danae Mines and she is part of the crew of South Bronx Engine Company 60, according to the Chicago Tribune. She's one of only 41 women working as firefighters in the Department, and has been dousing the flames (while simultaneously making temperatures rise - I'll get the jokes in early, I guess) for 11 years.

Interestingly, there was no call for women to audition for the calendar - the Department didn't decide to feature a woman until Ms Mines took the lead and, with over a hundred male hopefuls, just turned up. Strong woman. I'd love to inspire other women to come to the job, she said at an event to promote the calendar.

And here she is. Miss March, in "the red suspenders" showing off her "taut arms". A fully loaded gear belt over olive work trousers, her arms crossed defiantly as one of New York's Bravest, the Tribune added. I think Ms Mines has a bit of Mmmmonique Jones about her, don't you? Curious to think she'll be adorning the walls of the calendar's fans - who the Tribune described as "moms and giddy young women".

So, we have our Miss March.

That leaves us in need of 11 firefighting muscle goddesses, I reckon...


The first female muscle firefighter I knew of back in the day, Sandy was on duty in the Phoenix Fire Department: Station 13 (although apparently not these days).

Check out this '80s news clip of Sandy in the gym, on stage, and on the job.


Also known as Nadine Williams, this 34-year-old Canadian figure competitor was IDFA Ms Figure World Champion in 2010. When not competing or modelling, she works as a personal trainer and "nutrition counsellor", and owns a tiling business(!). Oh, and she has been putting out fires in the Toronto suburb of Ajax for ten years.


Britain's fittest female firefighter, according to Britain's most female muscle-friendly publication, the Daily Mail. 27-year-old Charlotte is a full-time council worker and "retained" firefighter in her hometown of Shepton Mallett in Somerset.

She began lifting weights after she had entered the fire service "to keep up with the boys", and last year she qualified for the UKBFF British Championships in the bodyfitness division. But Charlotte has plans. I am hoping to work up to the next class of physique, she told the Mail, but lean muscle will take years to obtain naturally but is worth the patience and dedication. I like her thinking.


The very gorgeous Erica Blockman is certainly one woman who found greater success after making the move up to physique, and is (or was) also a paramedic with the Mount Shasta (California) Fire Protection District - she had been with the department for four years in 2011 according to a forum post of hers.


A full-time firefighter from Cheltenham, Suzanne has been a serial medal winner at the annual Firefighter Games since 2010, and has won the title of Toughest Female Firefighter on more than one occasion. Last year the Games were held in Belfast, and she won gold in the Ultimate Firefighter event. This included an event called "The Stair Climb", which involved, according to an article in the Gloucestershire Echo, ascending 27 floors of a building in full firefighting kit and breathing apparatus. And Suzanne's winning time was... 3 minutes 24 seconds!!! I've been in slower lifts.

Her exploits led to her being chosen as one of the torch bearers in for the London Games in 2012. She was nominated by Gloucestershire Fire and Rescue Service's Chief Fire Officer, who called her a superb role model for so many people.


Some of you may remember Allison Bookless, an early '90s bodybuilder who became a fitness competitor from the late '90s on. She was at that time, and, according to one forum post I've seen, still is, a firefighting paramedic in Columbus, Ohio.


This firefighter and medic from Katy, Texas is also an NPC physique competitor who calls herself "LadyFirefighter" on her Bodyspace page - and it's well worth a visit if you are a fan of transformations. The Mirror drives me, she says, People who said I would never be here drive me... the image in my head of what I want to look like motivates me... my fans/followers/supporters drive me... pictures of the "old me" motivate me. Passion drives me. Discipline drives me. Guess you could say she's driven!


As featured on FMS before, NABBA and UKBFF physique competitor Nicola Goodwill never wanted to be anything other than a firefighter, first applying at the age of 18. Her dream came true when she joined the team in Selby, North Yorkshire in 2010. One of her (many) tattoos reads: Firefighters walk where the devil dances.

A preview of Nicola from fitvids. While you watch, you may find yourself imagining being carried out of burning building cradled in those arms. I know I was.


Another British World Champion I'd never even heard of, natural bodybuilder Anna Millington. She won the drug-free INBF World title in 2011, and last year came second at the European Championships. And, yes, she's a firefighter (although I can't find a single pic of her in her uniform, sadly). Anyway, Anna fights those fires in Keighley, West Yorkshire. So with Nicola Goodwill, and now Anna in the area, Yorkshire seems to be the female muscle firefighting capital of the world!


Full-time Swansea firefighter Sarah Hallett was the overall NABBA Ms Britain in 2013 and has, in my humble opinion anyway, one of the better backs in the country.

Despite working in baggy flame-proof overalls during the day, Sarah is confident donning a tiny bikini and displaying her body on stage, the Daily Mail reported last October after Sarah's Britain win. She got into body building after competing as a long-distance runner at the World Firefighter Games in 2007. When she saw the winner of the woman’s bodybuilding competition, she thought, I’m in better shape than her.


And to end the year, her Vascular Armness herself, the great great Sherry Smith, who was (and may well still be) an Oklahoma City firefighter - an article about her from way back in February 2003 was already describing her as a "veteran".

She had initially begun training because of the job, and she turned pro in 2006. The highlight of her career was probably the Europa Supershow in Dallas in 2008, when she beat Kim Perez and Annie Riveccio to the heavyweight title. But after coming a lowly 16th at the Olympia that year, she seemed to have retired until she came back in 2012 at the Chicago Pro, where she competed again last year.

So, female muscle firefighters, hot or what?