This was her competitive debut, her first experience of the physical and mental challenges involved in preparing for and performing at a bodybuilding show. And in the mood I'm in this week, I couldn't help but wonder how Lea was feeling as she stood up there and posed for the judges and the crowd (not to mention all the fans following the show's live stream). And as I looked at Lea, I couldn't help remembering something I'd read by an anonymous female IFBB pro on her feelings about competing...
It's agony to get so depleted, but it's ecstasy to show it off...
The challenges involved in competing are well-documented. But what of the pleasures? In the final chapter of Strong and Hard Women, Tanya Bunsell gives us a unique and invaluable insight into both as she recounts her experience of following "Michelle", a female bodybuilder, preparing and competing in a regional British show.
In her opinion, unless you go through the bodybuilding diet yourself, you can never fully understand what it’s like... With more than two weeks to go before the show, "Michelle" finds herself in a difficult place – I’m tired, I’m exhausted and I’m not very responsive. I know that I can just sit in my vegetative state just listening, but it can come across that I just don’t care. I’m just not very enthusiastic – just plodding along. Sometimes I feel like I’m cold, shut off and isolated and completely on my own – and everything gets blamed on the diet and sometimes I feel so alone with it.
But as we enter the fortnight before the show, "Michelle" transforms, both physically and mentally, as the end of her journey (the contest) comes into sight. Dr. Bunsell observes that her drawn face is animated by her bright, almost translucent blue eyes, with dilated pupils. She describes an ‘almost heightened awareness’. This sublime, ‘euphoric’ feeling manifests itself in an overall feeling of confidence.
This is demonstrated in the gym, when, one week before the competition, she trains in a vest and tight shorts, rather than her usual baggy T-shirts and tracksuit bottoms. Within the gym, Michelle is greeted by hushed whispers, people pointing and shocked stares. Some men even take one look at her and leave the weights area altogether. Instead of her usual reaction of annoyance and frustration as a result of such unwelcome distractions from her training, she now challenges the onlookers in a direct but non-aggressive manner. Far from turning away and avoiding eye contact in a dignified manner, she poses audaciously in front of the mirror for all to see.
With a couple of days to go, her depleted body is crying out for carbs and her intake of water so great she needs to pee all the time. The afternoon before the show and she's suffering from a deep thirst and only having the odd tiny sip of water. But at least she gets to have the carbs she's been dying for. "Michelle" has been looking forward to this treat, but so dry is her mouth that her carrot cake tastes like 'sawdust'.
On the day of the show itself, "Michelle" gets what she calls her 'time to shine'. It's a regional amateur show, but there's a crowd of over 1,000 spectators to perform for as well as the judges. Backstage, Dr. Bunsell witnesses "Michelle"'s final transformation.
As she begins to pump up for the last time, new life is breathed back into her organs, causing the separation between her muscle groups to become so distinctly visible and her veins so prominent that her body looks like an anatomy chart come to life. Her pumped-up muscles glisten underneath the oil and perspiration. It is finally time for that sacred moment. Everything has been building up to this one moment in time.
It seems then that competing is both a kind of physical AND a spiritual experience, much like a pilgrimage in my opinion. The moment on stage is Mecca, and it is 'sacred', and the end of the journey. What "Michelle" feels when on stage is, sadly, missing from the account, but Dr. Bunsell tells us she looks confident, radiant and proud as she stands with the lights shining down on her and the audience clapping and cheering.
At this point, Dr. Bunsell claims, "Michelle" is storing memories that will serve to get her through the process of contest prep again. The journey has been both spiritual and physical, so they are memories of 'sensations and emotions' rather than events.
And it is these memories of her 'sacred moment' that will help enable "Michelle" to compete again and to once more achieve the objectively insane ambition of depleting her body of excess fat and ridding it of as much water as possible, until it is at its most unhealthy and weak. It is the memory of the 'ecstasy' that makes the 'agony' bearable. And the moment of 'ecstasy' is the 'sacred' moment when she is posing on stage.
Congratulations to Lea, to "Michelle" (she won the contest in the book in case you were wondering), and to all competitive female bodybuilders, pro and amateur, whatever their division or federation. FMS wishes you all the ecstasy you can handle!
Enjoy!
Strong and Hard Women - sadly no paperback edition as yet.
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