by C. Moore Glootz
Gentlemen, we - that's you, that's I, and that's every other female muscle head - are freaks. Many of you will have realised this already, I'm sure, perhaps very early in your female muscle lovin' life, perhaps - like C. Moore here - only after many many years of therapy. Perhaps you still haven't realised you're a freak, in which case I apologise if I've caused you any alarm with this revelation, but you shouldn't worry, really.
Today C. Moore is going to take a good hard look at why it's better to be a freak with the help of some of the freakiest glootz from the ladies of the NPC Nationals (them being the subject of the week and all). To fully appreciate the freakiness though, we're going to have to take a look at a bottom whose quality is not quite what we are accustomed to seeing here on FMS, and for this I must apologise again if this causes you any distress.
It belongs to Kym Marsh, winner of Rear of the Year 2015.
Best bottom in Britain apparently. There she is with her award, and previously on her hols this summer, where, according to UK media, she was "showing off her bikini body". Note how the bit of her body under scrutiny is hardly exposed in either picture. And get this, according to Kym, it's in the gym that she's honed her prize-winning arse!
The Rear of the Year is a public vote, I'm sorry to say, which tells us that this is the non-freaky world's (or at least the UK's non-freaky world's) idea of posterior perfection.
Kym's, and previous winners', bunz are pretty damn far from C. Moore's idea of what glooteal perfection looks like, and I dare say they are pretty damn far from yours as well. And that, gentlemen, is just one of the many reasons why we are all freaks.
Above, four sets of glootz from the NPC Nationals, representing the four different divisions. Note that how as we move from Bikini to Figure to Physique to Bodybuilding, the further away we get from the mainstream bum ideal. Now, FMS has already established this week that the lines between Physique and Bodybuilding got a bit blurred in Miami, so don't stress about spotting the differences between the last two. Just note how the Bikini bottom - while undoubtedly a step up from the celebrity "gym honed" rear - is the same kind of shape as the mainstream beautiful bum. However, as soon as we move to Figure, we're looking at something with an altogether different shape, and by the time we get to Physique/Bodybuilding, there's no comparison.
You could say that what's happening as you move up through the divisions is that the shape of these butts becomes more and more "unnatural". And that, according to my thesaurus, is a synonym for, among other words, our old friend "freaky". Now I'm guessing the bikini bum wasn't your pick of the four, but even if you went for Sally Estrellado's tight little Figure glootz over the more obviously musclebound Physique and Bodybuilding rears modelled by Jodi Lyons and Theresa Ivancik respectively, your appreciation of the "freaky" makes you a freak by my reckoning.
Now look again, at Kym's bum, and then at the other four. Focus on your favourite, then go back to Kym's bum for another look. There, don't you feel sort of special, kind of enlightened, like you know something "they" don't know about what a really great rear looks like. If you weren't already before, aren't you happy to be a freak now?
Now, consider the woman. The woman who wants her glootz to be so spectacularly muscle freaky. Few and far between they are. To be cherished for sure. The admiration of the likes of you and C. Moore are not, I think, primary considerations as they toil away, carving their rears into spectacular, unnaturally-shaped tight balls of muscle. More likely scenario they saw Cory's or Lenda's or Alina's or or Juliana's or Dani's or Kira's lush muscle bunz and they thought to themselves, I'll have a bit of that.
These women are über-freaky!
Celebrate them, honour them, with C. Moore's "Best of Miami" selection*.
And you bet C. Moore's letter to the NPC re mandatory thongs and the long overdue return of the "moon pose" is in the post. They might actually reply to me this time.
Stay freaky now!
* Names in the file names when you download, or on request.