Listen up! Kitchen fools end up in the ER. Or dead. Pay attention to your Mistress now.
Lacerations and cuts to the hand caused by knife accidents in the kitchen is the fifth most common reason why kitchen fools end up in the ER. Many of these fools have severed tendons and nerves, crippling themselves for life. Fool on the left is about to sever her tongue from her mouth. And worse, she's actually doing it on the cooker. 5,000+ injuries and 400+ deaths in kitchen fires last year in the US and she's climbing where the fire happens. She's about to be bald at best. Fool squared.
My dominant sister Rene Campbell ain't about to run the risk of injury to keep her off training. Sharp scissors in the hand are 3000% safer than a blunt knife in the mouth of a fool. And let me tell you, Rene really likes her chicken, but do you see Rene climbing into the pot with the chicken? No! No fool. She's cool.
Hot oil is HOT. Clue is in the name. We're talking blisters, burns and lifelong scars. So why are you frying up some hot oil in a bikini? FOOL! She must have as little brains as she has muscles. Skinny and dumb. She's going to get even fewer men when she's all burned and scarred and still skinny.
Now, this lady is all kitchen cool. Like the fool, she's not wearing much, but she's got some gains to show off. And mixing up a tasty treat from the fridge, with no frying necessary, there's no hot oil around to injure her. She's got the muscles and the smarts. Going to keep all kinds of men happy. Kitchen cool.
Me? I have someone to fix my meals, so you don't find me there except when I need to dish out some punishment. Thinking of hiring a new Chef Slave to replace the current one. But if you want the job, you have just got to be cool in the kitchen...
...and you've got to pass the rolling pin test.
'Mistress Treasure's Kitchen Fools' premieres in the UK tonight at 8pm on DMAX.
A cooking show called "Mistress Treasure's Kitchen Fools" at 8pm on TV?
ReplyDeleteThat would be the perfect World!!!