His fist punctuated the sentence by thudding into his desk.
LANDOLT! LANDOLT! LANDOLT!
Thud. Thud. Thud.
Swell noted the veins that were appearing on his editor's temples and forehead.
OK, JJ. We'll do Landolt. Now breathe, relax, or we'll be calling another ambulance.
Another ambulance. Just like the one that had taken JJ away in September when Swell had disappeared yet again to Stockholm, unable to resist the thrill of lurking in Sexy Sophie's gym. He'd left JJ to run the blog with the FMS minions, which had proved too much for JJ's meatballed heart. While the editor convalesced, the minions had let things slide. For weeks there'd been no new posts. No FMS.
Swell didn't blame the minions for what had happened. JJ's heart attack had been coming for years. Nor did he blame them for indulging in the FMS archive at the expense of writing the blog while both he and JJ had been gone.
It was his fault. He blamed himself. He owed JJ and he owed the blog. It was time to put things right. Time to leave Stockholm and Sexy Sophie behind and get on with helping JJ stay out of the hospital and get the blog back up and running.
Besides, the Landolt post was half-written already, put together in September when she'd made the Hot 100 of the German-language version of Maxim.
How wonderful that a muscular female - one of FMS' own Hot and Hard 100 - should make a mainstream 'Sexiest Woman Alive' list. And not only that. Cindy had received some mainstream TV attention in her homeland. And a movie part. It was sign of the changing times, of female muscle (re)entering mainstream consciousness and looking like it was going to stay. A cause for celebration, surely.
But on the other hand, he'd found himself writing, Cindy v.2014 wasn't quite the same Cindy we'd all fallen for in 2011. Would Maxim Deutschland Schweiz Österreich have featured her in their countdown if she had remained unenhanced?
JJ eased himself back into his chair and popped a couple of his heart pills.
Plenty of pictures. Funbags front and centre, he said, swallowing.
10th May 2013 - the incision was made in Florida, "around the areola". 750cc saline implants were overfilled to 1,000cc "for a round and full look and to avoid rippling". The "funbags", as JJ called them, had been born.
Cindy's decision. And one she had been considering for some years, apparently. And of course he wouldn't for a moment deny her the right to do unto herself whatever she felt she needed to do. But he also remembered the Should-I-Or-Shouldn't-I? poll she had instigated on one of the fan forums, especially so because he had cast his own vote with the majority against surgery, feeling as he did so that whatever he and his fellow female muscle fans thought, Cindy was going to go ahead and do it anyway.
Nothing preachy now, JJ warned. I don't want any boo-hoo she's not natural and therefore not on the FMS love list anymore bullcrap. Is that clear?
A good editor always knows what his writers are thinking, and across his desk JJ could see that Swell was most definitely deep in dangerous thoughts...
Was she still defined by her muscles or have the boobs taken over?
JJ's fist slammed into the desk, jolting Swell out of his reverie.
THUD! CLEAR?
OK, JJ. All clear. Funbags front and centre. You got it.
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