The wife has been waving cruise brochures in front of your face for years, but never managed to get you on the boat. This year, however, she just went and booked it.
Four weeks of it. Your Christmas "present".
You set sail in August, but have felt nauseous since February.
But as you arrive at the port - with a month's worth of travel sickness pills - the radar goes off like it's never gone off before. Muscle to starboard (or is it port?), and from where you are she looks HUGE! You try - and fail - not to stare. She's right there, tight shorts, loose vest and OMG she's only bloody POSING in front of the boat.
And OMG it IS her. It's KATIE LEE!!!
Katie (really) did take a well-earned break for a Caribbean cruise with friends recently - Dominican Republic, Honduras, etc. And I can't help wondering how many of her fellow passengers spent days and nights desperately manoeuvring themselves and their significant others into parts of the boat where Katie & Co. were while at the same time (and equally desperately) trying to cover up a tentpole the size of an oar...
The more successful our voyaging female muscle heads were at that - and at stalking the gorgeous Katie during stop-offs - probably had a knock-on effect on the vigour, and frequency, with which their significant other got the "benefit" of that tentpole.
Net result - your wife's now under the impression that if she wants a "romantic" holiday, then taking you on a cruise is the only way to go. "He's never like this when we do a city break," she says to herself after yet another (vigorous) pre-dinner (post-Katie-stalking) cabin romp. "Think I'll pre-book next year before we disembark."
The "Allure of the Seas", eh?
More Katie, including more Katie on vacation, on her Instagram.
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