Street of Joy, Street of Shame

FRIDAY, 20th JULY

The radar goes off. It's HER...

Having seen her relaxing at lunchtime - twice - (see "NOT Emma Paveley"), I had continued to stalk the park near where I'm working after the 5th, but to no avail. By the 12th - when I made the post - I'd stopped making the park the only place I'd go for lunch, and pretty much given up on the idea that I would run into her again.

Suddenly, though, there she was - shoulders and all, unmistakable in a pink workout top - across the road and slightly behind me, and heading in the same direction.

Heart pounds, adrenaline rushing, dry-mouthed... The whole bit, full-on MADNESS!

What happens next I am not especially proud of - perhaps writing about it has become, on some level, the penance I have to pay for it. In my defence, however, I will say that looking back it feels like I was, for those few minutes at least, actually out of my mind.

Without thinking, I stop and watch her. She's maybe 10 metres away at first, and then crossing the road I watch her - attempting to be subtle, probably just gawping - move towards me. It's the first time I've seen her walk, and though she doesn't have the swagger I expected, she is a sight to behold. It's also the first time I've really seen her from front on, seen how muscular her chest is - how her pecs go right up to her collarbone, proper pec line, very little breast as far as I can tell. Oh SWOON!

I don't recall if I gasped or not, seeing as I was in a public place it may have been a silent, inward gasp, probably followed by a silent, inward moan for good measure...

She's maybe three or four metres away now and slightly ahead of me. I set off after her, as though yanked into motion by an invisible rope, and I follow. I notice she's with a friend, a "normal" friend, who except for the fact she's wearing a (long) skirt, is covered up. She, on the other hand, is proudly exposing delts, lats and arms in her vest, and her tight leggings reveal her shapely legs - strong hams, full calves.

Gazing at her, watching her move, I'm in ecstasy. I can see the unicorn and I am utterly overwhelmed. Without thinking for a moment that it isn't the right thing to do, I get my phone, open the camera, hold it close to my chest and snap snap snap.

Then suddenly I realise that imaginary invisible rope around her narrow waist has got quite short. She's slowed, and as I've tried to close the gap and get as good a look as I can I'm not much more than a metre behind her. Skin, a glowing, healthy tan and for the first time I see half a tat poking out just under her right delt, and her shoulders and triceps ripple as she raises an arm to point out something in a shop window...

The voice in my head screams - DUDE!!! - if I don't stop or turn or something I am literally going to walk right into her, but just in time I veer off to the shop window opposite, watching her reflection. Silent, inward gasp; silent, inward moan.

They move off and I follow - snap snap snap - down the narrow lane. I see men and women coming the other way notice her. One or two really notice her. Do they feel what I'm feeling? Do they turn and walk behind her behind me? Snap snap snap.

Looking at some of the pics later she looks like a different species altogether. A shining, sculpted and sexy superior being in a crowd of bland, shapeless bodies. Am I, I wonder, one of the bland, shapeless bodies in another person's surreptitious snap?

As it always seems to do, the Madness lifts without warning.

I see myself - stalking, secretly filming - and am appalled. No gasp now, no moan (well, perhaps just a little one), but a silent, inward apology. Forgive me, I whisper to her. I couldn't help myself. You're just so... A final, lingering look and I let her go.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't spend some quality time with the pics over the following few days, and I'd also be lying if I said I haven't regretted deleting them more than once since. But I still don't trust myself, I don't trust that I'd be able to resist posting them here, or even resist sharing them elsewhere. You get a lot of kudos on the forums for these sorts of pics, kudos that rightly belongs to her - whoever she is - for building the kind of body that made me lose my mind - again - on that hot hot hot July afternoon.