Thursday 10 May 2012

Size Matters: Shock and Awe

I've only ever seen one top female bodybuilder in public. Many years ago, Andrulla Blanchette passed me in Dean St. in the West End of London. Unfortunately for me, it being London in winter, Andrulla was fully wrapped-up and not one inch of her magnificent body was on display. She was also walking very fast and passed me in a flash. In fact, it did take me a moment to realise it really was her. It was over before it began, and pretty far from my fantasy of what a female bodybuilder in public would be like to see.

Brigita Brezovac
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This is much more like it! In your face, muscles on display (and what muscles!), and plenty of members of the public there to shock and awe. Gold!

Helle Nielsen
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In pictures like this one, and the one above, when I've taken in the goddess on view, I always find time to check the reactions of the other people in the picture. Has their jaw dropped as they are transfixed by the vision before them? Are they really looking away, or just pretending? How would I react? How would you?

Aleesha Young
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Let's take this picture and imagine we are there. You've just noticed you are on the same street as a bona fide divinity. What do you do next? Are you drawn towards her? I know I would be. 'The Madness' would descend, my pulse would quicken, my blood would rise. And although I am ashamed to say it, if I'm honest, I would probably just surreptitiously start following her. I know, I know, it's creepy.

Tammy Jones
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And I'm aware that 'the madness' can do this to me. It can turn me into someone I'd rather not be and make me do things I'd rather not do. But at the same time, the feeling is addictive. I don't get such adrenaline rushes every day. So I'd keep following, feeling both ecstatic and shameful, following for as long as I could without giving myself away.

Jana Linke Sippl (the only JLS I'm interested in listening to)
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In an ideal world, I'd like to be able to approach her, complement her on her physique, and ask if I can take a couple of photos. In an ideal world, she'd willingly oblige, and I wouldn't shake so much with the excitement of it all that I would actually get some good snaps. Then, I'd go about my business. But this would suggest that I have some kind of control over my female muscle lust, and that, dear reader, is quite obviously NOT the case!

Gillian Kovack
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So I'd like to apologise in advance for my behaviour if I'm ever lucky enough to run into a female bodybuilder in public. The urge to stalk is not something I can control. And that's not an excuse, I just offer it by way of explanation. On that hypothetical day when I see you, hypothetical goddess, the effect you'll have on me will be so powerful that I simply won't be acting like myself.

Elena Oana Hreapca
wonders who that creep who's been following her and taking pictures is.
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Enjoy! More sizeable women tomorrow...

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