It's 5.45am my time. I am somewhat tired and more than a bit boss-eyed. Alina's just been crowned Ms Rising Phoenix 2018, but it was the joyous 20-woman posedown before the prizes were handed out that led to my own - explosive - personal climax.
Finally, it's over.
Emcee Sarah Hurrle
Just over 12 hours earlier the live feed from the prejudging had started with the Fitness ladies' two-piece round. Not my favourite bit of a Fitness show - is it anybody's? - so initially at least I was only half-watching. I dipped into the chat. "Benjamin Harrison" (his first language probably not English) was ruling the roost there, his moronic comments ("What is this? Why we have to see Barbie show? We want FBBs!!!") didn't just put me off joining in the conversation, but ultimately everybody else too.
Cydney Gillon & Karen Reyes
Figure was next, I heard former Olympian and emcee Sarah Hurrle announce. OK, now you've got my undivided attention - if not Benjamin's. Unsurprisingly, Cydney Gillon looked - and proved to be - the class of the line-up, and she, together with the sultry Karen Reyes and the ripped Tracy Williams, had me reaching below the keyboard and fantasising I was in the front row for the first time on the day.
Bikini seemed to last an eternity, so I flicked around social media. Plenty already up from the previous day's check-in and meet-and-greet, plenty of make-up and hair done head shots. However, I clicked back to the feed quick snap when emcee Sarah addressed the crowd: OK you guys, are you ready to see some MUSCLE?!
You couldn't hear the crowd much on the feed - the music and Sarah's microphone very much dominated the soundscape - but this was one of those occasions when you could hear the cheers and whoops and whistles. Then the music started up again, and Michaela came out. After well over an hour, the first beautiful biceps, pecs, back, glutes, abs and thighs were flexed at the Arizona Pro. I sat back and let myself go. In all, 24 Physique Dreams of all ages shapes and sizes brought their muscle to the stage. I imagine the "guys" were impressed, but like I say, you couldn't hear them much.
The first callout had Michaela, Natalia and Jennifer Taylor at its centre. It looked close between them - not just to me, but more importantly to the judges, who had the ladies changing places during both the first callout and when the top 4 (those three plus defending champ Heather Grace) lined up again for a last callout. Meanwhile, Benjamin had piped down a bit after someone had pointed out to him there was actually a schedule so he shouldn't be too surprised about the running order.
The Physique Over 40s were going through their comparisons, and backstage a "still waiting!" Sheila passed the time taking selfies with Isabelle, Helle and Alina. I can't speak for Benny, but my own anticipation level was way past 11 by now. Tributes were paid to Tim Gardener, Jake Woods, and Lenda Murray, without whom etc. and Sarah worked the crowd a bit. Once again, she referred to the crowd as "guys", making me wonder if the Rising Phoenix audience really is just a bunch of obsessive drooling heads like me (but with better travel opportunites). Be sure to join us for the after party upstairs at the Chrome Night Club, Sarah said. Really?! Anyone can just go hang out?! For a moment, I imagined something pretty damn close to heaven...
And then it was time for the main event. A bit of bombastic build-up video (heavily featuring, I noted, Yaxeni, Irene Andersen, and Lisa Cross - none of whom were competing this year) and Benny Boy got his wish - the FBBs came thundering on.
It's such a rare treat to watch female muscle live, even rarer [once a year in fact! - ed.] to see the biggest and best of all. The gulf of size between them and even the biggest of the Physique women was obvious, and - to me, and I dare say to Benny Boy too - quite overwhelming. Gasping and moaning, I didn't know where to look as these beautiful beasts came out five at a time in alphabetical order for a round of initial comparisons.
Jill Blondn's epic, thrilling calves; Barbara Carità's posing top stretched to its absolute limit; Jay's huge quads - the way they have to walk because of their massive legs is in itself fascinating - and that semi-visible coming-together of strange crotch muscles only FBBs have; Tananarive Hue's apparently immense back muscles...
Maryse is just immense; Wendy's beautiful beefy British bum; Pauline Nelson's slow, sexy posing style takes me right to the edge; Virginia's massive arms keep me there...
By the time the first callout is announced, I'm in quite a state. The actual excitement of the competition brings me back above the keyboard though. As I watch, I type this:
Margie, Alina, Helle and Sheila in first callout
Plus Jill Blondin and Nicki Chartrand
Shocker is Helle is at the edge
Margie, Alina and Sheila in the middle
Helle and Jill kept there for 2nd callout plus Virginia
Helle no better than 5th?! Nicki Chartrand 4th maybe - well-deserved she looks great but Helle visibly shocked and Margie seemed to be shocked about it too
It seemed as though both Sheila and Alina had a genuine shout, and that one of the "Big Four" - Helle - wasn't actually going to be in the top 4. The women thundered off to very audible applause, cheers, whoops and whistles. That's all folks - for now.
I opened the chat box. Benny Boy had been typing too:
###############################################################################################################################ALINA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Only one winner for him then.
I checked out the social media updates, one hand back down below.
And realised I probably wasn't going to get much kip before the finals.
Tales from the Feed continues tomorrow.
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