Saturday, 12 September 2015

Woman vs Food: She Eats

I sometimes wonder whether female bodybuilders become female bodybuilders just so they can eat like a female bodybuilder. It seems no other women on the planet outside the catering industry itself spend as much time thinking, talking or writing about food as female bodybuilders do. And when they're not doing that they're cooking it.

And eating. Even my wife's woefully obese former colleague (the kind of woman who seeps under the armrest when she's sitting next to you on a plane) doesn't eat as much as a female bodybuilder does - and trust me, this woman eats a LOT.

But on top of that, female bodybuilders fantasise about food. A comfort eater like my wife's fat friend has fantasies too, but whereas she satisfies her cravings as soon as she can, the female bodybuilder has to be disciplined about it. And it's in that waiting time - counting down the hours to the next cheat meal, or (most disciplined of all) dieting before competition - that their cravings reach levels no comfort eater has ever abstained long enough to experience. Consequently - when it's time for her cheat meal, or when the competition is over - satisfying that craving is, well, rather satisfying.

And the more pleasurable the food seems, the more the female bodybuilder's subconscious associates food with pleasure, and so it continues. Lots of eating, a little cheating, extreme dieting, and then the reward of whole right side of the menu.

Do I know what I'm talking about? Of course I don't! But one look at Jodi Boam's reaction to that somewhat humble burger and chips and you know I'm right. Have you ever seen a woman look so happy, so ecstatic to be eating something so simple? I wouldn't be at all surprised if she's having a full-on foodgasm right there, the smell of it alone setting off joyful KA-BOAMs big and small that are spreading all over her beautiful, peaking body... Have another look. A good look. Don't you see that?

So does food hold the key to the female bodybuilder's heart? Perhaps it does. Cook me food, buy me food, bring me food or BE food is what they say. But we actually do have evidence in this clip starring Rene Campbell that - even if you won't necessarily win her heart - being prepared to carry her shopping and having a few skills in the kitchen will, at the very least, buy you some time with a female bodybuilder.

I doubt Rene shares her "soup gone a bit wrong", which is even better news for the dude who measures her cabbage. I doubt any female bodybuilders share. With all that attention they pay to what they eat (or, in Rene's case, drink) and how much of it they eat (or drink), nicking something off her plate is, I imagine, very verboten.

Go ahead, she's saying. Make my day.

We're gonna need a bigger kitchen...

Dry cereal?! For me?! I LOVE you!!!

Woman vs Food all week on FMS.


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