Monday, 13 February 2017

This Female Muscle Lovin' Life: Big Big Love

30 years, give or take - funny thing about my first sight of a female bodybuilder (Carolyn Cheshire, UK TV), I can recall almost every detail of the event, but have only the vaguest idea of when it was. I could say it's the longest relationship I've had, but perhaps my lifelong passion would be a better way of putting it. 30 years...

There have been times in my life when I've wanted to end it. Times when I've longed to be "normal". In my early 20s especially I regularly threw out all the magazines I had collected and vowed never again, but these periods of abstinence never lasted very long. A glimpse of Rachel McLish in a golden swimsuit on the cover of Female Bodybuilding, or Yolanda Hughes' rippling muscles on the cover of Women's Physique World. Off the wagon I tumbled, and the relationship was back on.

The internet brought more images and more female muscle than I had ever dreamed of into my life. As I continued to struggle with my fetish - I came across the term "sthenolagnia" around this time as well - I opened up for the first time on newsgroups and email, amazed there were so many others like me. Finally (under the influence of some super duper class A help) to very close friends and carefully selected family I confessed I liked "fit" women. The more perceptive of them had noticed the sort of "sporty" women I pursued, so they were hardly surprised. I was "out". Sort of.

In secret I indulged mightily. Paysites. Webcams. Addiction, and I knew it, although - and I can never quite explain why - I never did go down the session route. Nevertheless, change was needed, and it came after I joined a gym and got busy lifting. I'm not totally clear why, but this made me a lot more comfortable about being a female muscle head, and I started to embrace rather than fight who and how I am.

A little over five years ago - about four years after I began lifting myself - I started Female Muscle Slave. Tentatively at first, then gradually with more and more confidence and commitment. It's been an outlet for my passion, and, I would hope, a force for good in the wider perception of muscle women and those who love them. And I got married, to a woman I was, and still am, deeply in love with. My interest in the gym has led her there too, and these days her dedication puts me to shame. If nothing else, I have helped to add a little female muscle to the world through her!

In brief, this has been my female muscle lovin' life so far. 30 years, give or take, and I'm more loved up than ever. And just because it's Valentine's Day tomorrow, I thought this week I'd put together some love letters to female muscle. To my big big love.


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