You f***ing c***,
I read your little post. I know you've read my notebooks. Bad enough you stole them, then you go ahead and publish some. A f***ing thief and a f***ing plagiariser too.
You owe me now, and if you don't want me to f***ing slaughter you with a blunt sword what you're going to do is this: forget the Nationals, they are mine. You write about the Ferrigno Legacy or another show if they insist on another contest report.
Got that? Hickerson is MINE!
And be out of there before I get back or I will set fire to you right there in the office.
Swell, as you can tell, was not amused by C. Moore's liberal use of his musings for Thursday's Incomprehension post. He might have dug the rest, he didn't say. The email arrived this morning. He attached a couple of clips of dudes self-immolating. Editorial thought it best not to share them with the readership. For once, me and the eds agree.
We also agreed that it was perhaps best if the Nationals report I had been working so hard on never made it to post and instead I should (hastily) put together a celebration of the Physique ladies who took part in the Ferrigno Legacy Pro last weekend.
It's been a pleasure.
Though not without its frustrations.
Brazilians Ivie Rhein (above left), who finished 6th, and Ana Da Silva, who placed 10th, are clearly women whose glooteal conditioning we would like to investigate, partly because of the conditioning evident in what we can see, and partly because all Brazilian glootz have to be investigated - it's like a law. However, and here's the frustration, there's not one image we can find of them at the contest with their (no doubt) mouth-watering muscle bumbums properly in shot. Not one. It's a crime.
And generally, back shots from the show are in short supply.
I wonder if Swell knew that before he suggested I write about it.
Anyway, the day's big winner was the now-2018-Olympia-qualified Priscila Cavilha, another Brazilian, and fortunately the schmotographer on duty for NPC News Online, Ron Avidan, managed to capture her bumbum in at least some of its sexy glory.
Valentina Mishina of Russia placed 2nd, despite, Mr Avidan would have us think, the unprecedented tactic of never once hitting a back shot. Antoinette Downie, who was 3rd, went out of her way to ensure her glootz got at least some coverage.
Whenever I see a woman display such incredible power and athleticism in a routine I hear the voice of Tony Roberts (RIP) in Annie Hall - "Imagine the possibilities..."
C. Moore's joy trumpet's pick of the top 6 though would have to be the muscle sexy beauty of Melissa Pearo, who thankfully didn't hit her back poses while Mr Ron was changing the film in his camera, and who also looks pretty damn good from the front too. Lower abs veins that disappear into nether regions and most muscular poses are pretty high on the except-things-about-glootz list of C. Moore's favourite things.
Just outside the top 6 on the day, but runner-up in C. Moore's reaction rankings is Amanda Smith, who I believe was making her pro debut (that's what the minions tell me anyway). Whatever. WOW! Minions also say she's fast-becoming a forum favourite over at the place where men pretend to be women in the chat room. Again, whatever.
I'm too busy enjoying looking at her to care about such things. The fact she is an instant and firm favourite in C. Moore's house is all you really need to know.
C. Moore's #1 though was placed all the way down in 11th - Trish Wood, something of a veteran competitor in the shape of her life (is what they say). Compare the water retention she had two weeks ago and the lack of it here courtesy of Trish herself, who posted this comparison to her Instagram after the show. She was rightly proud of her glootage, it seems, which just goes to make her all the sexier in my book.
11th on the day. The winner with me.
"Full" galleries here.